Secrets
by AccioRonaldandHermione
Summary: After being brutally tortured by Death Eaters during the war, Hermione refuses to talk about it. How will this affect her newly growing relationship with Ron? SOMEWHAT AU.
1. Captures and Rescues

**A/N So, i have found a Beta and we are going back through the chapter's and fixinng things. I'm also on to the next chapter so that should be up fairly soon.**

Please…stop!" Hermione whimpered as Fenrir Greyback pushed himself in and out of her.

His hot breath was on her neck, and he was grunting loudly as he thrust into her, each time deeper and more painful.

He wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't he stop?

Hermione regretfully opened her eyes to see his greasy, matted hair on her face. She moved her head to try to focus on something else, but her eye landed on the freshly carved letters spelling out "MUDBLOOD" on her arm. She let out an anguished cry as she watched blood drip from each letter.

Faintly she could hear Bellatrix's howling laugh reverberating off the high ceilings and perfectly polished marble floors. She could also hear the mixed grunts of disgust and pleasure from the other people watching the "show".

Her head ached from Bellatrix's constantly slamming of it into the floor during her earlier interrogation and the feeling of this disgusting man on top of her didn't help the self-loathing and the dull ache that surrounded her. Her hair was matted down with sweat from her futile escape attempts, which quickly failed when they hit her with a full body bind. It had finally worn off, but she hadn't the energy to even lift her head off the ground, let alone push a fully grown werewolf off her body. Her clothes were torn and her torso was scratched because of Fenrir's sharp claws.

She kept wondering when someone would come to find her. She was at her parents' house when they took her last night, and she'd hoped by now that someone-anyone-would come to her rescue. She came almost willingly, just so they wouldn't kill her parents. She knew when she left that she most likely wouldn't be coming back, but she had hope that she couldn't shake off, or maybe it was just her mind finally falling to pieces from the multiple times they Crucio-ed her.

Greyback gave a final grunt and rolled off of her. She didn't even move-she was so utterly exhausted. She watched as Greyback pulled up his pants and stood up, looking smug. Just knowing that she'd played a part in putting that disgustingly smug look on his face made her start crying in earnest again.

"Aww. The muddy baby needs to cry again? How pathetic" Bellatrix spat, "Get up, Mudblood." she demanded, but Hermione was too weak. She gave a surprised squeal as Bellatrix yanked her to her feet by her hair.

"When I tell you to do something, you do it, you little slag. Now that the wolf has finished with you, tell me where they are keeping Potter!"

Bellatrix's breathe enflamed Hermione's nose and made her feel like she was going to vomit. She could feel the painful wetness between her legs, making it hard to concentrate, and was hit the Cruciatus due to Bella's impatience.

Hermione fell to the ground with an ear curdling scream as pain spread throughout her whole body, leaving her breathless. She flailed her body, trying to rid herself of the pain. She begged God for death-anything to stop this horrible feeling. Her entire body felt as if it were on fire and her muscles cramped beneath her skin. Tears streamed down her face and mixed with the blood coming out of the wound on her brow bone as she pleaded for mercy.

She was in so much pain she didn't even notice when Bella lifted the curse. She got on her knees and cupped Hermione's face, turning it towards her roughly.

Her untamed curls hung in front of her face, making her cheeks look hollow and cold, black eyes looked into Hermione's with pure hatred.

"I asked you where the boy was. Why are you so suddenly so shy? You put up such a fight before. Pity, pity, pity. You're losing your nerve, Muddy Blood." Bellatrix said in her high pitched, teasing voice.

"I-I told you. They haven't t-told me w-where he is." Hermione said. Desperately trying to sound strong, but failing with how weak she'd become-her voice still hoarse from the screaming that she couldn't keep from escaping her.

She was so strong and determined not to look weak in front of them in the beginning, but, with her current state, she was unable to stand on her own two feet.

"I know you know where he is! TELL ME!" Bellatrix wailed. Hermione noticed the desperation in her plead, and smirked at Bella's loss of edge.

She smiled weakly from her slightly mad with everything going on around her she felt good knowing that the evil woman before her couldn't get what she wanted. Hermione honestly had no clue where Harry was, and even if she did, she would never tell them-not without them pouring Veritaserum down her throat.

"Fine, Mudblood. Looks like you'll just have to join us for another night." Bellatrix said, much too pleased to put her in more discomfort.

The smile that previously conquered her face vanished- she was praying for an end to her misery. Greyback roughly lifted Hermione by her arm and half dragged her down to the dungeons. Before he left her on the ground in the moist, cold room he whispered hotly in her ear

"I'm so glad we finally had our time together tonight, girly. It was my pleasure." She shook with disgust as he walked back upstairs.

She was so sore and her skin was vibrating with feelings of disgust. Her clothing had been torn to shreds, and she now lay cold, in only her underclothes. She could still feel his hands on her skin-her breasts ached from his harsh gropes and, her lip was dripping with blood from his bites. She thought she would never be able to sleep again, but, out of pure exhaustion and hopelessness, she fell into a fitful sleep of greasy hair, heavy lidded eyes and marble floors.

Hermione woke suddenly to the sound of screams and explosions. She sat up and immediately regretted it. Her entire body protested against the movements, and it felt like almost every bone was shattered. She collapsed with a grunt, only to be greeted by the sharp pain from a broken rib on her left side. She didn't feel tired, but her eyes closed again in attempt to escape the pain. Dizziness overtook her and the sounds of the chaos about melted together into one sickening tune. She hoped that if she laid here long enough, she would wake in her fluffy bed to the smell of her mum's freshly made breakfast.

Suddenly,she saw light come through her eyelids and someone shout "FLIPENDO". She opened her eyes slightly to see a whirl of black tumble down the stairs and lay still on the landing. She then heard heavy footsteps coming towards her and a man cursing at the lock on the door.

"Confrigrio!" the figure shouted as pieces of wood flew everywhere, hitting Hermione and leaving more scratches behind.

She opened her eyes to see a silhouette of a tall, sculpted man. She cringed away from him, knowing he was yet another person who planned to harm her. But then he cautiously bent down and whispered soothingly in her ear "Shhh, Hermione, it's okay. You're okay. I'm here to help you. You're safe."

She then noticed the flash of red hair and long nose on the face of her "attacker". Confused, she let out a barely audible,

"Ron?" and her eyes drifted back closed, trying to remind herself not to hope.

She felt strong arms lift her up and hold her like a small child. She leaned against his broad chest and felt his throat vibrate as he spoke "No, Hermione. It's Bill. We're okay- You're okay now."

Hermione didn't quite understand why, but she was incredibly glad that Ron wasn't there to see her in such a state. She felt herself being carried away and flooded with thoughts of Bellatrix and Greyback. She leaned closer to Bill, terrified. She suddenly saw a tinge of bright light behind her eyes and squinted to see bright white walls and bustling mediwitches. She closed her eyes again and felt herself leave Bill's strong, comforting arms as he laid her on a loft surface and covered her in a blanket. She looked around to see people in robes with wands waving all around her as they murmured spells and stared at her worriedly. Out of exhaustion, she drifted back to sleep.

Bill watched as they pushed a frail, beaten, and abused Hermione away. He could tell that she could barely keep her eyes open, probably from the hours of torture she was put through. Bill pulled a hand through his hair roughly, thinking of the state he found Hermione in at Malfoy Manor- her cringing fear shocked him, and he wasn't sure how to handle such a weak woman who was usually the strongest of them all.

They knew she was there by the description her parents gave that obviously matched up with Lucius Malfoy, who they saw before he apparated away. As soon as they broke through the wards, Bill and the other members of the Order ambushed the house. Bill's job was to get Hermione while everyone else dealt with the Death Eaters. He dashed toward the basement where he knew the dungeons had to be and was met with a sight of a very beaten girl. They'd only had her a few days, but she looked so much smaller. She had cuts all over her face and arms with the word "MUDBLOOD" brutally cut into her arm. He knew she would be scarred with that forever- physically and emotionally. She only had on a tattered shirt and her knickers… the bruises on her inner thigh didn't go unnoticed.

He felt a pang of pity thinking of when Hermione asked if he was Ron. Ron wasn't going to handle it well at all. The Order had to work quickly to insure that it never made it back to the rest of the Weasley family- besides Arthur, of course.

He was terrified to see how Ron would react. It'd been obvious for a few years how he felt about her. Sneaking glances, purposely poking fun at her, causing rows, and always asking for help on homework just to spend time with her. If he saw Hermione in the state she was in, Ron would be hysterical. He decided to wait until they'd healed her to a state of presentable-ness before bringing Ron in.

A man with grey hair, wrinkles from age and stress, and crisp white healer robes approached Bill with a grim face and in a deep, disconnected voice said "Hello , I'm Healer McNeilly. I have a few questions about the state of Ms. Granger, if you don't mind."

Bill responded without hesitation "Yes, of course. Uhm, well, we brought her back from a group of Death Eaters. They had her for about three days and, uhm, well… they definitely did a number on her." Bill paused and added to that "Healer McNeilly can I ask you… has she.. you know… was she touched… are there any signs of ,well, rape?" Bill stammered.

Healer McNeilly gave Bill a grim face and said "Unfortunately, yes it seems that it occurred multiple times, actually. However, she probably won't feel comfortable with people knowing, but seeing as you brought her here- I feel that it's only right to tell you. I also know she is close with your family: Please refrain from informing them of her personal information. She has been through a very damaging ordeal and will probably be very on edge and distraught for quite a while after she wakes up. We gave her a sleeping potion although her pain was causing her brain to force her into sleep anyway. She'll probably wake in a few days."

Bill sighed and said "Yes, of course. I understand. We'll be back in a few days to see her." The Healer nodded and walked off toward Hermione's room.

Bill gulped, trying to calm himself- He felt like vomiting. Hermione was like a sister to him and imagining that happening to her was horrible. With these thoughts, Ginny came to mind, and he felt bile rise in his throat once again. He made to a trash can and heaved in disgust. When he was finished, he apparated back to Headquarters, following the plan he was given strictly.

His final thought before leaving the hospital was simple:

_This is bad. This is really, really bad._


	2. St Mungos

Hermione sat up in bed, startled. She looked around in confusion, only to be greeted by white walls, a small bed with steel railings on each side, and the smell of disinfectant and hospital chairs. She analyzed the room again, squinting due to the artificial light that was so bright it made her pounding head hurt worse than it already did, if that were possible. She lay back down carefully, trying not upset her sore body. The last thing she remembered was Bellatrix asking her about Harry again and Greyback dragging her into the dungeon where she fell into an unpleasant sleep.

She sat there in confusion as a man with grey hair, glasses, and white robes walked into the room and shut the door behind him. In his hand was a clipboard with a vanilla folder flipped open, and it read "GRANGER, HERMIONE". She looked up at the stranger in the room and he smiled gently at her as he sat in the chair next to her bed.

In a calm but still authoritative voice, the man looked at Hermione and said "Ahh, I see you've woken up Ms. Granger. How are you feeling this afternoon?" Hermione looked at the man, still confused, and asked the first thing that popped into her head, "Where am I?"

The man answered, "Well, you're at ST. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Beings. I'm your Healer, Healer McNeilly. You arrived here 2 days ago in the arms of a Mr. William Weasley. He brought you here in pretty bad shape, and it is my understanding that you were held captive by Death Eaters." He said in much too calm a voice.

Recognition crossed Hermione's face and she responded with a quiet "Oh." And then panicked asked "Wait, if Bill brought me here…. Does… Does the family know I'm here?" Hermione asked, panic stricken.

Healer McNeilly looked at her worriedly and replied "I asked Bill not to say anything regarding the details of your admittance here, but I do believe that he'll be coming by later in the day to check on you. He has every day since you were brought here, actually. You can ask him then."

She looked up at the healer and nodded her head curtly.

_Why did this have to happen?_

She really didn't want to have to deal with the others right now. She was just so exhausted and embarrassed.

_How could I let this happen?_

Her heart clenched, thinking of how everyone would react.

The healer was looking at Hermione again and he asked again "Ms. Granger, how are you feeling?" She looked up again, surprised to hear him speak and said quickly, "My body is a little sore and I have a headache." she responded, voice cracking, "I'm also very thirsty."

The healer started scribbling madly on his clipboard and looked up again-his eyes tore through hers. She looked away, feeling as if he could see right through her. He cleared his throat and said "Ms. Granger, we should really talk about what you recall from your kidnapping so you can be healed properly and keep the record accurate."

She looked up at him this time meeting his eyes and said harshly

"I rather not talk about it."

Healer McNeilly paused for a moment, and then continued as if he had not heard the bitterness in her voice, "You have been through a great ordeal, and I understand your pain, but we need to know what exactly happened to you while you were away. We found some evidence of sexual assault and must clarify what actually happened."

Hermione felt as if she couldn't breathe. There was no way she was going to tell them what _actually_ happened. Not only would she be mortified, but she really did not want to relive the experience. She really did not want to talk about this. She just wanted to forget it happened and move on. There was no need to dwell on the past.

But Hermione was a smart girl and knew that sooner or later, people in the Order were going to want to know what happened. _God,_ she thought, _I hope they didn't tell Harry, he'll sit at the Dursley's, blaming himself for the rest of the summer._

With Harry and Ron in her mind, she inwardly groaned. She panicked when she thought of how Ron was going to react. She couldn't possibly tell HIM what happened- Harry either, for that matter. _Ron would probably be repulsed by me_, she thought. _Who would want to be near someone who's tainted by someone so… so horrible?_ Quickly she banished the thoughts of her and Ron ever being together and responded to the healer.

"Your suspicions are correct." She said shortly.

The Healer let out a heavy sigh and said "That's what I thought. Now, just in case, we ran a pregnancy test and your tests came back negative. However, it's fairly soon and you'll have to come back for re-examination."

Hermione felt bile and relief in her throat. How horrible it would be to pregnant with such a disgusting man's child. She would hate it. She would never be able to even look at it.

The healer continued, unaware of Hermione's thoughts, "I would also like to tell you that you retained mostly minor injuries, cuts and such. You had a two broken ribs that caused some internal bleeding but were healed quickly, and you have some damage to your body from the Cruciatus curse that might have you feeling dizzy and out of breathe at times, but that should fade in time. " He paused and looked up from her chart, where he was reading her list of injuries and regretfully said "I am sorry to say though that the scar on your right arm isn't going to fade. Unfortunately, whatever knife was used to make such wounds was cursed to insure that the scars can never fully heal and there is no counter curse. For this as well, I am incredibly sorry."

Hermione looked down at her right arm to see in healed, raised, white skin the word "MUDBLOOD". She felt defeated knowing that they had left her with something she could never get rid of. It was not only a reminder for her, but a reminder to everyone around her of how weak she was. Her eyes filled with tears as she thought returning to school at sixteen, endorsing prejudices against her own kind, and knowing that she was forever scarred by the war.

Hermione hoped that she could manage to hide enough of her skin that people wouldn't ever see the hideously evident scarring, but she knew it would slip or someone would see it when the arms of her fell as she was lifting books off the top shelf of the library. The embarrassment was inevitable.

She nodded at the healer and he said "You can be released tomorrow, but I would like to keep you overnight. I'll be back to check on you later."

She again nodded as she lay down and turned her back to the door. She heard the healer leave the room and let out a heavy sigh. The last thing she wanted to do was deal with this. Thinking back to those three nights that she spent in Malfoy Manor made her feel physically ill. A few tears escaped her as she laid there.

She was lying there, staring at the white ceiling, for nearly an hour when someone knocked on her door. She jumped slightly from the sudden noise as Bill Weasley entered the room.

Hermione smiled slightly at him and he gave her a courteous smile back. He sat down in the chair next to her bed and made an attempt at breaking the silence by saying "How are you feeling?"

She looked at Bill and came to the realization of how similar he was to Ron. Not only in looks, but personality. Ron, like Bill, could be joking and poke fun, but he could also be serious, and under that rough exterior, and having the emotional range of teaspoon, was a heart of gold.

Ron and Bill were also quiet dashing in looks, although Bill had a scar reaching from his eyebrow down his cheek; it matched his rough exterior perfectly.

It was then that she realized how very little she knew Bill. She saw him when she visited Ron on holidays and such, but she never had really talked to him. He was more of an authority figure to her than a brother.

Hermione almost teared up as she thought how sweet he was to her even when he didn't have to be. It was nice to have him there, just to sit in silence, because the loneliness had truly started wearing on her. Hermione took a shaky breath to stop herself from tearing up any more than she already had and said "As good as I possibly could be after everything that happened. Sitting here really isn't helping me much at all, really. With all this free time, my mind just keeps wondering back to what happened."

Bill sighed and said "Yeah, I know. Do you remember everything that happened?" he asked without looking her in the eye. She could tell he was uncomfortable because he was narrowing his eyes at the bed and not looking at her…. Something Ron would do.

Hermione's hands played with a string coming from her blanket and responded in a near whisper, "Yes. Thank you for saving me. I know you put your life in danger to do so, and I appreciate that."

Bill looked up at Hermione, still not directly meeting her eyes and said "Hermione, you're like family-of course I came to get you. I'm so glad to see you're alright. I-I'm really sorry I couldn't get to you in time to protect you." He finally looked up at her and with his voice shaky went on "We don't have to talk about it, Hermione. Right now, it doesn't matter anymore. You're still you. Ron is going to be so happy to see you're okay. Well, that you're alive."

"So, you told him then?" she sighed.

Bill looked confused "Of course. I mean, me and Dad were separated from the team. Our mission was to get you back safely."

Her eyes met Bill's and in a more confident voice retorted, "I knew you would tell him I was captured. That was inevitable, but I mean you _told him_ what happened, _everything?_"

Bill's eyes lit up with recognition and he looked back down. He took a deep breath and said "No, I didn't. I didn't feel it was my place to tell him something so…. Personal." He said slowly, than added, "My dad and mum know though. You know I couldn't keep that from them. Don't worry. They won't say anything to Ron." He finished.

She nodded her head, looking down at her hands and didn't respond. The room went very quiet. Bill suddenly spoke up, "You will tell him, though, won't you?"

She looked away from her hands and spat a little too harshly, "I will when I see it fit. That time isn't right now." she ended without so much venom in her words.

Bill again nodded and hesitantly said, "Well, I didn't know if you were ready to see anyone yet, but Ron wanted me to ask you if you'd see him as soon as you were awake."

Hermione's heart fluttered a bit, knowing how much Ron was worried about her. Feeling slightly better, she responded without thinking out her response, "They can come whenever they'd like to." She instantly regretted this, but she couldn't take it back now because Bill's eyes are shining with happiness.

Bill, with a much more jolly voice said, 'Great! Dad's got business with the Order, but should be back around 3. So, I'll go get them and bring them back with me, as long as you're sure." Bill smiled and Hermione couldn't help but smile back at his happiness.

Chuckling slightly she replied "Sounds great. I'll see you then."

Bill claps his hands together and takes a deep breath and says, "Yeah, alright." and walks out the door.

The smile on her face instantly vanished when the drunk-with-joy Bill left. What was she supposed to say to them, to Ron? Oh god, this is going to be horribly awkward. Hermione inwardly groaned. She knew Ron was going to want to talk about what happened, but Hermione didn't think she'd be able to tell him _everything_. She just didn't want him to think differently of her. Pity her. Be disgusted by her. How could she tell him something she's so ashamed of? She let this horrible man take control of her. She thought herself not to be a woman. She felt so stupid. She let him take the only thing she had any real control over. Her virginity was literally the only thing she had anymore. Now she didn't even have that.

If Hermione were honest with herself, she knew it would have been Ron she gave it to. Hermione felt so horrible for taking that moment away from him. Not that they had anything in the first place, but now she knew he'd never want her.

Hermione started to feel tears run down her cheeks and she sat in her bed, wiping her tear stained face. They weren't the anguished cries she let take control of her at Malfoy Manor. These were the cries for her purity - from stealing something she felt was special and she knew she would never be able to get it back. He'd stolen her innocence, that vile wolf. He'd stolen the one thing she thought never would be.

Her mind kept wandering back to the night he ran his fingers through her hair, as if he thought it were sensual for her, and viciously groped her curves .The scratches he left on her stomach that still hadn't fully healed and she was trapped in memories of the disgusting things he did to her. The ghastly sounds of his grunts of pleasure were equivalent to the howls of mandrakes. She felt dirty. Hermione kept ridiculing herself for not trying harder to escape. She could have done _something_ to get him off of her. Anything. But no, she froze up in fear. She was supposed to be a Gryffindor, she thought angrily, and she was anything but that night. She felt disgusting.

A petite woman came in with a tray of food and left it on the night stand by Hermione's bed. In a kind, motherly voice she said, "Here you are, deary. You eat up." and left the room without another word. Hermione looks at the tray of food, unable to make herself eat.

She rolled onto her side and tried to take a nap before everyone got there, but, for some reason, sleep never came and she simply lay there for a spell, staring at a crack in the ceiling.

Just when she thought she was finally drifting off, the door is slammed wide open and Ron frantically looked around the room. Hermione sat up in bed and stared at Ron, wide eyed. His blue eyes landed on her and he breathed out her name as he quickly approached her bedside. He wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.

Ron inhaled her sent and held her until he felt Hermione squirming underneath him. He let go and Hermione who had a dazed look in her eyes. Ron looked at her, noticing how frail she looked with the dark circles under her chocolate brown eyes. He sat in the chair, but grabbed hold of her hand in what he finds to be an appropriately friendly gesture. Ron couldn't help but think about how small her hands were.

Hermione felt Ron grab for her hand and couldn't help but feel safe with his big, rough hand securely holding hers. She looked up at Ron to see him studying her and she felt self-conscious under his gaze.

He was looking directly at her as he began, with so much concern Hermione's heart clenched, "How are you feeling? Are you tired? You know, we're taking you back to the Burrow. My mum is so worried about you. Don't worry, you're parents are protected. Sorry, you might not be able to see them for a while. Bill told me what happened... Hermione, how are you feeling?"

Hermione smiled at him, amused, and said "Ron, you're rambling."

He stopped and a little color flushed to his cheeks and ears. He mumbled an apology and looked up at her with the saddest eyes she'd ever seen. Hermione felt her stomach flip and looked away. He asked again, much quieter than the first time, how she felt and she looked up at him and replied, "I'm fine Ron, really."

He looked down at her hesitantly to ask, "Hermione, what did they do to you?"

She shifted uncomfortably and said "Do we really have to talk about it? I mean, it just happened, and I just rather not think about it." Hermione realized suddenly that she was crying again and quickly wiped the tears away.

Ron sat quietly, unsure of what to do. He realized that her hand was still resting in his, and squeezed her little hand gently for reassurance, using his other hand to wipe a stray tear from her face.

Ron quietly told her, "It's going to be okay, Hermione. We can talk when you're ready."

Hermione took a deep breath and said, "Ron, I'm sorry. I tried to get away, but Greyback was there and he overpowered me and took my wand." And she starts wiping the tears away again.

Ron looked at her and felt so useless. There she was crying- this beautiful girl that he's crazy about- and he had no idea what to do.

"Hermione, don't be sorry. I know you tried your hardest. It's okay. You're safe now and that's all that matters." Ron said.

She looked up at him and rested her head on his shoulder, drenching it with unshed tears. For some reason, seeing Ron made everything about that night ten times worse, and she felt like she physically needed him there to feel better.

He wrapped his arms around Hermione and rubbed her back with one hand as he smoothed her hair with the other. He kept whispering soothing words in her ear as he hushed her.

When Hermione pulled away, the hospital gown she was wearing rolled up her arm slightly and Ron caught a small glimpse of something. He grabbed her wrist and she froze. He looked down and read "MUDBLOOD" across the inside of her forearm.

He rubbed his thumb over it and sighed. He kept looking at it, wishing to banish it and whispered, "Oh, Hermione."

He looked up at her with remorse and whispered, "This isn't going to go away is it?"

She looked down and shook her head. She looked up to see Ron looking over her head with his jaw clenched. She could tell he was angry and just didn't want her to see it. His grip on her wrist tightened a little and she said "Ron." His eyes drifted back to hers and he said "Harry doesn't know."

For some reason she was relieved to hear this and said "Good. He shouldn't hear about this while he's still on Private Drive. We'll tell him when he gets to The Burrow in August."

He nodded his head and looked away from her. Hermione couldn't think of anything to say, so she sat there silently until finding the courage to say, "I'm glad you're here, Ron."

He locked eyes with her and in a deep, honest voice said, "I'm glad you're here too, Hermione."

He grabbed her hand again and they sat in a comfortable silence, both appreciating the other's presence.


	3. There for Me

Hermione woke to the familiar smells and sounds of St. Mungo's. Today she was going to the Burrow. Mr. Weasley, Bill, and Ron would be coming to get her at noon. She looked over at the clock on her temporary night stand to read it was already eleven o'clock.

Hermione never slept that late, but since her night was spent mostly tossing and turning in her bed, with images of Greyback and Bellatrix in her head, she hadn't really gotten a proper night's sleep. She hoped that being at the Burrow would help calm her uneasiness since she felt comfortable there and couldn't relate it to her capture.

Hermione bit her lip as she thought, once more, of those few nights. Ever since being captured, she felt on edge. As if she were balancing on a toothpick, about to fall off. Jumping at sudden movements, scared to sleep with no one around, and frightened by shadows cast by the moonlight- Hermione felt weak. She hoped this was only from being in an unfamiliar place and wouldn't last very long.

She really couldn't wait to leave, and she couldn't do anything but sit there till they came to get her. The night before, she'd asked for Ron to wait until she fell asleep before he left and he did, but she was already anticipating his arrival for that afternoon. For some reason, Ron made her feel safe. She didn't feel as jumpy with him around, and it was nice.

She and Ron had sat and talked about nothing in particular until she fell asleep. He just talked to her about mindless things to keep her distracted from her own thoughts. She could tell that he wanted to talk about it, but he seemed to think better of bringing it up again. He happily informed her that her parents were fine and being kept in an Order safe house pretty far away, and were completely safe. She felt comfort knowing her parents would continue to go unharmed. At least she hadn't sat in that dungeon for three days for nothing.

The clock by her bed ticked by slowly and a nurse bustled in with another tray of food. Hermione really hadn't had an appetite much since arriving at St. Mungos, but knew she needed to eat something since she'd avoided eating much at all yesterday. After Hermione finished a quarter of the food on the tray, Healer McNeilly walked in and greeted her with a smile.

"We've checked all your vitals and it seems that you are set to leave." Healer McNeilly said.

Hermione smiled and responded, a little too excited, "Thank goodness!"

He gave her an understanding chuckle and went back to his expressionless poker face. He looked at Hermione and said "Now, It's good to see that physically you are well on your way, but might I suggest that you look into getting a Mental Healer? I know that you may feel as if it won't be necessary, but you have been through a traumatic affliction; it would help you deal with a lot of what's happened."

She was looking down at the bed again, nibbling on her lower lip and tearing at the skin. She really wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to see a Mental Healer- to involve somebody else in her private life. She didn't want feel crazy and whenever she thought about going to see one she thought of herself as Lockhart or Neville's parents. She wasn't them. She didn't want to feel helpless.

She let out a breath and, without looking at the Healer, said, "I'll be sure to look into it."

He nodded his head in acceptance and, as he exited the room, Mr. Weasley walked in with a gentle smile and kind eyes.

"Hi, Hermione. We have you all checked out and Ron is coming with your change of clothes. So, whenever you're ready." He didn't wait for her to respond, but just closed the door.

Ron walked in seconds later with a set of clothing in his hand. Hermione sat up a little with trouble and swung her legs over the bed. The sudden movements made her head spin and she lost her balance a little. She gripped the railing tightly, and Ron hurried over to steady her.

"I'm sorry, Ron. This is so pathetic- I can't even get out of bed by myself." Hermione said, frustrated. She hated needing help. She was a very independent person and hated to seem weak in front of someone, especially Ron.

Ron was looking at her as if she was glass and said "Hermione don't be ridiculous." He then, very carefully, lifted her by the waist and supported her so she was able to properly stand. Ron felt nervous about holding her like this-it was so intimate to him, and what scared him more than the intimacy was the fact that he liked it. He liked holding Hermione. From their close proximity, he could smell her hair and see the faint freckles that went across her nose, and it was one of the best feelings he'd ever experienced.

Ron looked at her and noticed that her face seemed to contort in pain and asked "Hermione, are you alright?"

Hermione looked up at him and said "Yes, I'm fine. Just really sore-it hasn't been like this since the Department of Mysteries." She paused for a second and looked away from him.

Hermione realized that with the pain she was in and her dizziness from sudden movements, she wouldn't be able to dress herself. She really didn't want to ask Ron, knowing he would be uncomfortable, but she didn't want to ask Bill or Mr. Weasley or one of the mediwitches. She trusted Ron. She knew he wouldn't ogle her or anything, but how do you ask your best friend to help you put clothes on?

She looked up at him to see him already looking at her. He wished they could just stay like this for a while. Hermione broke his reverie by speaking, "Ron?"

He cleared his throat and looked down at her, "Yeah?"

She looked down again and her cheeks seemed to flush a bit, "I-I don't think I can get dressed by myself. Could you maybe help me? I mean i-if you don't feel comfortable that's fine." She then turned completely red and so did Ron.

He really wanted to shout yes, but he knew that it wouldn't be appropriate. He didn't know if he could dress Hermione without getting a tad bit excited, but she looked so helpless and he knew he needed to control himself and help her as much as he could.

"Hermione, it's okay. I don't mind helping you." Ron told her. She seemed a bit more at ease because of this.

She put her hands behind her back to untie the knot of her dressing gown, but this seemed to upset her healing ribs, and she took in a sharp breath. Ron hated seeing Hermione in so much pain, and he knew she hated seeming helpless.

So, he turned her around and undid the knot with nervous hands. She slowly let the gown fall from her front so she didn't have to move very much. Ron watched cautiously as the gown fell. She was wearing a simple bra and underwear, but to Ron it was almost like her being completely exposed. He tried not to think about it too much.

She turned around, biting her lip and staring at the ground. She was using her arms to cover the scratches all over her stomach. Once she turned around, Ron noticed this and lightly swatted her hands away. She resisted at first, but he didn't have to do much to get her arms down to her sides.

Hermione started to feel herself shake under Ron's intense gaze. He was restraining her arms and she felt helpless again. It wasn't that Ron had reminded her of Greyback. Not at all actually, he was so much gentler, kinder, and loving. But having him look at the marks that were left on her and restraining her brought back the memories and it made her feel sick.

Ron looked at the scratches that ran up and down her stomach and on her waist. It almost looked like as if someone was running their hands along her body. Ron suddenly recalled her saying Greyback was there that night when she broke down in front of him- he knew the horrible things that Greyback would do to the women he captured. His head shot up to see Hermione visible shaking and he could see her chest rise and fall rapidly.

He moved his hands up her arms and without making eye contact said, "You told me Greyback was there, right?"

Hermione met Ron's eyes with shock. She didn't remember telling him that. She must have let it slip the night before when they were talking. In a weak voice Hermione whimpered, "Yes."

The blue in Ron's eyes darkened with anger. He tried to stay as calm as possible when he asked her, "D-did Greyback touch you, Hermione?"

She was looked into his eyes and bit down on her already bleeding lip. She stared into his scared, angry, trusting blue eyes and lied. "No, not like that." She told him.

But he knew, and he wouldn't let her get away with it. "You're lying to me, Hermione."

She looked up at him, her eyes going a blaze with anger that she had no right to have. "Ron, why would I lie? He didn't touch me, okay? Drop it." She said in a deadly voice.

He looked at her with hurt written on his face like words on the page of a book, and it killed Hermione to know she caused it, but she knew it was not the right time to discuss it. He knew she was hiding something but didn't want to admit that his best friend was hiding something so important from him. He was going to have to take her word for it, but, eventually, he would ask again.

He turned away from her and grabbed the shirt sitting on the chair, slowly helping her pull it over her head. He then grabbed the sweatpants that he'd grabbed from her house and she sat on the bed as Ron helped her step into them.

His warm hands grazed her thigh and it felt so good to be touched by him, even in the lightest of ways. She had her hands on his shoulder and she couldn't help but look at how broad they had gotten since the last time she'd seen him. He stood up and set her back on the bed. She felt embarrassed after Ron seeing her so exposed-she hated the way the scars looked on her-she just felt disgusting.

Ron looked into her eyes penetratingly, and Hermione looked away, red faced. He inched closer to her and put his hands on her hips. His hands lightly caressed them and she felt dizzy again.

She looked back up at Ron to see him still looking at her very intensely. She saw something else in his gaze, but she didn't know what it was. She put her hands on his shoulders so she could steady her again.

Ron couldn't help but be affectionate towards Hermione. He felt like he needed to make her feel better. He knew she was embarrassed, and he wanted her to know that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. He thought she was beautiful. Without thinking, he said to her, "Hermione, you're still beautiful-Even with a few scratches."

She finally met his gaze as a tear escaped her eye. She didn't know what to say. No one had ever called her beautiful… not even Viktor. Ron inched closer to her and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.

His lips barely brushed hers, but she felt so much in it. She could feel how much he cared as he tangled his hand in her hair affectionately. He was so gentle, something Greyback was probably incapable of, and she was glad that she could happily accept Ron's kiss. He held her with his one hand firmly at the hips and let his lips linger for a while before he slowly pulled away. She looked at him for a second, but couldn't help the tears that escaped her as she rested her head on his chest. He held her and let her cry, knowing she needed it. Hermione was so good at holding everything in, and he knew there was a lot she wasn't telling him. For now though, if this was all he could do for her, he would do it without complaint. She needed him and there was no need to push her away.

She stopped crying and he kissed the top of her head. Without a word, he helped her stand and they walked out the door together. Mr. Weasley and Bill met them in the waiting room.

When Bill saw Hermione, he could tell she had been crying and in greeting he gave her warm hug. For some reason she felt a connection to Bill, almost like an older brother, and his hug comforted her immensely. He let go and rubbed her back as he gave her a smile.

He said in a kind tone "Ready to go?" She smiled meekly and nodded her head.

Mr. Weasley approached her next and gave her a one armed hug. Not as warm as Bill's, but comforting all the same. His kind eyes met hers and he said "It will be great to have you at the Burrow again. Ginny isn't there right now because she's staying at the Lovegood's with Luna, so you'll have her room all to yourself." He smiled.

For some reason, this didn't leave Hermione with comfort. She knew if she was by herself she would be plagued with nightmares, if she ever actually got some sleep.

She felt Ron watching her as they started walking, like he was just waiting for her to collapse, and while she wanted to be aggravates, she took comfort in knowing that Ron was there to catch her.

They used apparation since Mr. Weasley figured that Hermione probably wasn't well enough to use the Floo. Hermione and Ron, only being 16, had to apparate with Bill and Mr. Weasley.

Hermione's feet hit the floor and she stumbled-Bill cautiously grabbed hold of her before she fell to the floor. Her head felt very light from the apparition, and it made bile rise in her throat. Before she even had time to think, she was running to the sink to get sick. She heaved a few times, and when she finally thought she was alright, the sudden movement of her lifting her head had her heaving into the sink all over again.

Ron popped into the room to see Hermione with her head in the kitchen sink of the Burrow kitchen, heaving up the little food that he knew she'd eaten for breakfast. He looked at his brother and dad to see them feeling very uncomfortable and unsure of what to do. His brothers and dad didn't have the strongest of stomachs, and Ron, being the lucky one that he was, did. He probably got it from his mother since she didn't seem all too affected by that sort of thing either.

"It's alright, I got it." He said to his Dad and Bill and they quickly fled from the room.

Ron walked over to Hermione and pulled the hair out of her face for her as she heaved again. He wasn't really sure what to do, but he stood there and held her hair as he whispered gentle words in her ear. He felt Hermione squeeze his free hand in thanks as she propped herself over the sink with the other.

Hermione felt well enough to know that she wasn't going to get sick, so she turned on the faucet to clean the sink and then rinsed her mouth. She could feel Ron rubbing her back and was grateful but too embarrassed to thank him.

She felt Ron leave her for a second and he came back with some pumpkin juice and helped her over to a chair. She sat down and said "Thank you. I guess I shouldn't apparate for a while."

He chuckled and said "Yeah, we wouldn't want you to be getting sick everywhere you go. _That_ would be a bloody mess."

She felt thankful for him trying to ease the tension of her embarrassment with a joke. It made her think back to when things were normal, before she got captured.

She finished off the pumpkin juice and noticed that Mrs. Weasley was not bustling around her, telling her she was to thin and forcing her to eat five loafs of bread. She looked to Ron and asked in curiosity "Where's your mum?"

His smile brightened into a full out grin and said "Since Fred and George dropped out of Hogwarts to open that shop of theirs, she's been going over there non-stop to pester them and try to get them to go back to school. She's driving them mad." He ended with a chuckle.

She smiled "You seem to be very pleased by this."

"Well, yeah. They've been using me as their bloody guinea pig since they opened that shop! Slipped some Tongue Tie Spice in my Tea, and my tongue was literally _in a knot_ for a day! They wouldn't give me the bloody antidote!" Ron said feigning anger.

Hermione started laughing in earnest at the image of Ron running around chasing after the twins, trying to get them to get his tongue out of a knot.

"Oi! It's not funny!" he tried to say but couldn't help but laugh at the sight of her smiling.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She continued to chuckle, "but that's just too funny. I wish I was there to see that."

He chuckled and said, "Me too. You probably could have fixed it."

She got a mischievous smile on her face, "Who says I would have fixed it?"

He looked at her and feigned a hurt face and touched his chest over his heart and said "That hurts, you know."

Their laughing sobered up and Hermione realized for the first time in a long time she was happy, and that Ron was what was making her happy.


	4. I'm sorry

******N/A **Here it is! Chapter 4! I know it took me a long time, but i needed to focus on finding a beta! I also revamped the previous chapter's and they read soo much smoother thanks to maddymomo, my beta reader. She's amazing! You'll have her to thank for this chapter getting up quickly! She edited all of them today so i could get chapter 4 up! Now that i have a Beta i can get chapter's up quicker and it wont take so long. Anyway this is my favorite, so tell me what you think. I love the feedback, good or bad :)

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><p><em><strong>Hermione was laying in the Dungeon of Malfoy Manor, waiting for her captors to come and retrieve her for more interrogation. She felt terrified, wondering what they had in store for her this time.<strong>_

_**She felt a painful twinge on her right arm and she turned to watch as her arm dripped with blood and a puddle formed on the cold concrete floor. She tried to cover her body by rolling into ball and crossed her arms over her chest, but it didn't help, and she felt embarrassed as she lay battered, naked, and helpless.**_

_**She heard someone open the cellar door and heavy footsteps echoed throughout the room, Hermione felt panic and bile rise in her throat as the beady black eyes and the greasy brown hair of Greyback greeted her. She felt panic roll off of her in waves and almost convulsed with disgust as he edged closer towards her.**_

_**She tried to crawl away, her knees aching from the urgency of her hurriedly trying to get to the other side of the room, but he managed to grab her by her ankle and she heard a snap as he pulled her over to him and whispered into her ear, "Where do you think you're going, Mudblood? We were just about to have a little fun." He smiled at her with his sickeningly yellow teeth and sucked on her neck. She let out a whimper as he began to scratch at her already swelling cuts.**_

_**She struggled once again, trying to get away, when he settled on top of her. She felt herself reaching and clawing for any possible escape- nails scratching against the concrete floor - but there wasn't one and she felt her eyes tear up helplessly trying to find a way out. She scanned the room over and over again, but he still had his hold and Hermione had no escape. She tried punching, kicking, and yelling, but this only excited Greyback and left Hermione feeling terrified. She always had an answer and the one time she truly needed one, it wasn't there. After what felt like hours of struggle, her body fell limp in exhaustion and defeat. Greyback then smiled at her and in a pleased tone said, "That's a girl. You just relax and we can have a little fun."**_

_**She tried to disengage herself from the horrific act, hoping maybe if she didn't concentrate on it, it wouldn't be as terrible, but he kept pulling her back with his gasps of pleasure or him roughly shaking her body with thrusts of excitement and all she could do was lay there and take it. There was no escape, no one to save her.**_

_**She wanted to die.**_

Hermione sat upright in bed, taking deep, labored breathes of pure panic and adrenaline as her eyes darted around the dark room. When she came back to reality, she noticed her bed was soaked in sweat and her clothes stuck uncomfortably to her skin. She didn't even see them coming when the hot tears started falling down her face as she lay in the familiar home of the Weasley's.

She slowly and carefully lay back down, and all she could think about was how vivid the dream was- and how even as she slept, Greyback still frightened her to tears. What scared her more than anything was how it matched up perfectly with the actual event- like she was reliving the traumatic memory, even in her sleep. She knew she would never forget what happened, but having to relive it over and over again terrified her. She felt safer in the Weasley home than anywhere else in the wizarding world, and it upset her immensely that HE had caused her not to feel safe in this home, of all places.

She sat in bed thinking about the petrifying dream and shook violently trying to rid herself of the memory, but it was stuck vividly at the forefront of her mind with no threat to leave her. She had been repeating in her head over and over again since she got to the Burrow to stop thinking about it and pretend it didn't happen, but the dreams and flashbacks came to her so quickly and ferociously that she felt she had little control over it.

When she was at the hospital, they had her taking a Dreamless Sleep potion most of the time, she barely saw anyone, and she felt safe there. The plainness of the walls and the reassuring words of the nurses and Healers left her feeling relaxed. No one was there to remind her of those few nights and ask her what happened except for the moment when her healer recommended that she go to see a mental Healer. But, back at the Burrow, she didn't have the potion, she was forced to act normal- like she really was okay, and she could feel the tension in the air. Especially with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley knowing exactly what had happened - all they did was give her looks of pity and regret. She just wanted to be normal, or at least be treated like she was.

She kept noticing the little creaks and noises of the Burrow and they made her feel uneasy as the darkness played tricks on her vision. She knew that, in the state she was in, she would not be able to get to sleep. She thought it best to take a shower to get her mind off things, so she grabbed her wand and muttered, "Lumos." So that she could make her way through the rooms and long empty hallways of the Burrow. She would have to remember to keep it on when she went to bed, just to make sure no one snuck up on her at night. The shower was not only to relax but to cleanse herself and wash away the dirty feeling that had embedded itself in her skin.

She walked slowly down the hallway and into the bathroom, jumping as the clicking of the lock resonated throughout the quiet room.

She started to take off her clothes, trying not to look at her now unfamiliar body, but she couldn't help catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She moved hesitantly in front of it to get a clearer look at her more tattered self.

What she saw didn't surprise her, though. She looked as terrible as she felt. Her lips were red and scabbed from her biting them so much in anxiety and she had a permanent look of panic plastered on her otherwise delicate face. She noticed her cheeks seemed hollow and her skin looked dull and translucent, probably from her lack of nutrition since she had little to no appetite with the terrifying memories constantly sneaking up on her and leaving her too inattentive to even think about food. Her brown eyes were now emptied of the life that once swam freely through the chocolaty orbs and they seemed sunken in, which only made the cut on her protruding brow line look fretfully worse.

When she went to touch the cut with her hand to examine the feel she noticed the scar again on her arm and for a brief second could almost feel Bellatrix cutting into her skin again. She could smell her rancid breath on her face, and Hermione began to feel her breathing quicken with the memory and she walked away from the mirror as fast as she could. What she saw in that mirror disgusted her; she decided then it would be best to stay away from her reflection for a while.

Hermione rushed into the shower and stepped into the smoldering hot water, allowing her rigid shoulders relax slightly. She began to wash her body, scrubbing until the skin burned, but she still wasn't clean. She tried scratching it off, clawing it off, but it wouldn't work. No, she'd be dirty forever- forever carrying Greyback's filth on her skin. She felt hot tears well up in her eyes and her body shook with inaudible sobs. For a while, she stood there, crying for herself, but then she felt anger well up inside her at her own weakness and began furiously hitting the shower wall with her fist. Hermione was not weak. At least she _was _that, at one point, but now she felt weak and dramatic. She started hitting her fist against the porcelain again and she felt her knuckles swell up in pain. She kept hitting the wall until she felt completely drained.

Soon, the water became cold and goose bumps rippled across her body. Hermione realized that no matter how many times she washed her skin, she would still feel dirty. So she gave up and concluded she would have to live with being dirty forever as she stepped out of the shower to put her night clothes back on. She walked out of the bathroom, tripping right over someone's sleeping form.

She stood up in panic and found Ron across from the bathroom door, sleeping. He must have heard her in the shower and waited for her to come out. As much as Hermione wished she could have talked to him right then she couldn't. She really had nothing to say to him. She felt gross and didn't want Ron to see her in such a state.

She watched him for a moment before slowly creeping into her room and laying down in bed with her wand a glow. She never fell back asleep that night, but lay there recalling every gruesome detail and hating everything about herself-just wanting to feel clean again.

Ron dragged himself into consciousness as the early morning light drifted in from a window to the hallway of the Burrow. He sat up and realized he must have fallen asleep waiting for Hermione. He had been having trouble falling asleep the night before when he heard Hermione crying in the shower. When he decided to sit and wait for her, he heard thump after thump of what he thought was Hermione hitting the wall.

He was worried about her, so he decided that he would wait. She needed him. He knew she did, but here he was waking up in the hallway at the crack of dawn without even a trace of her being around. She must have felt to embarrassed and decided to leave him sleep instead of having a confrontation about why she was punching the wall.

Ron picked himself up from the floor, massaging his sore neck and realizing there was no way he could go to sleep now. He started to walk down the stairs and as he got to the landing of Ginny's room he couldn't help himself and cracked Ginny's door open to check on Hermione.

When he got the door open enough to see her, he realized he must have startled her with the creaking because she popped up in bed and with a sigh of relief said, "Oh, it's just you." It was then that she decided to get out of bed.

He nodded at her, slightly confused, "I just came in to check on you. I heard you up earlier and wanted to make sure you were okay." She nodded curtly but didn't say anything, just continued to get up and move toward the door. She walked right past him and continued down the stairs.

He stood there for a minute, wondering why she was being so cold to him, but decided not to dwell on it. Maybe she needed space after what happened - he could understand that.

After a few seconds of contemplating that in his head, he started to walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. Hermione was seated at the kitchen table by the time he caught up to her, and her arms were crossed with her eyes locked in some unknown place.

She looked up at him, her brown eyes betraying nothing and his blue ones filled with question. She looked back down, "Why are you awake so early?" she said in a near whisper.

"I couldn't sleep." He decided he wouldn't tell her what kept him awake was her crying in the shower- he didn't want to embarrass her. She nodded her head again and fell back into silence.

"Why weren't you asleep?" he said trying to fill the silence.

For a moment, Hermione wanted to pretend like she didn't hear him, but she knew he would repeat the question. She really didn't want to talk to him about why she couldn't really go to sleep either so she shrugged her shoulders at him hoping he wouldn't question her somber attitude. She heard him heave a deep sigh of frustration and sit down at the table. He put his hands out to lay over hers, but she moved away not really wanting to be touched. She was so dirty. She could almost feel Ron's rejection, but being physical, even hand holding made her feel nervous-she couldn't tell him that.

_He wouldn't understand, anyway_. She thought

"Hermione, please, what's wrong?" concern leaked out of every part of his voice. She didn't even have to look up to know the exact face he was making.

"I don't know Ron. I'm just really tired." Hermione wasn't really talking about the physical tired, but didn't feel like elaborating and just left it at that. They sat in silence for a bit, and Hermione began to bite her lip aggressively. She hated that she couldn't talk to him. She wanted to so badly but just knew that she couldn't. He would never understand and she didn't want pity from him.

Ron didn't want the silence to go on much longer, but he didn't know what to say to her. She wouldn't meet his eyes and he was beginning to worry that maybe she regretted their kiss. It kept plaguing his mind, and he didn't realize at the time that maybe Hermione really didn't want him to kiss her and now she was feeling like he took advantage of her. She seemed fine until they parted for bed and now all the sudden she couldn't even meet his eyes. Maybe he pushed their friendship too far with the kiss or maybe it was too soon after her capture- he wasn't sure.

He had to break the silence though, so in as confident a voice he could muster he said, "Listen, Hermione, about earlier, at the hospital i-if you regret it or anything, I mean we can just pretend it didn't happen…"

Hermione finally snapped out of it and looked up at Ron silently startled. She had completely forgotten that they had kissed, with so much going on since then it had slipped her mind. Not that it didn't mean anything to her, she cared for Ron, she truly did but with all the thoughts zooming through her head she didn't know how to respond to Ron. He was looking at her expectantly so she spoke up and said, "Ron th-that isn't it. Don't think that. "

Hermione would love to have something more with Ron. He made her feel so safe and sure, but at the same time his kiss was so innocent that it didn't stir that nervousness inside her, but wouldn't he eventually want more? She didn't even think she could kiss him again with the thoughts of Greyback plaguing her. All she could think of when Ron touched her was him and she didn't want that. It wasn't fair to either of them. This whole situation scared her because she wasn't ready to be intimate so soon after being forced into it with some man she didn't know, and now someone else wanted to be intimate with her. The thought of intimacy alone made her shudder.

How would she explain this to Ron though, without telling him what happened? She still wasn't ready and now she knew Ron was asking something of her that she couldn't give, and she would have to reject him without reason. She cared for Ron and that kept her from telling him about Greyback. If he ever found out, he would find her repulsive and she couldn't bare that.

She needed to tell him that, for now, it would be best not to let something like that kiss happen again, and she would have to lie as to why they couldn't. It gutted her to think she would have to lie to Ron after everything he'd done for her, but it was all she could give him right now. She kept looking down at the table as she said "About the kiss, Ron," Ron finally met her eyes," I think its b-best for now if we don't let it happen again. With everything going on, I don't think it would be wise to start anything between us." she paused for a second- as weak as she felt, she needed to seem strong for him, so as an afterthought she added, "I-I don't regret it Ron. I could never regret it." And she meant that, she truly did, but right now she couldn't imagine being intimate with anyone. She still felt so dirty and she just wasn't ready. She couldn't.

Ron felt a pang hit his chest as the words slipped out of Hermione's mouth. So she did regret it. She might not be saying it, but he knew she was just trying to spare his feelings. For some reason, this angered him, but he couldn't show Hermione that. He started bouncing his leg and he clenched his jaw. He didn't understand, after everything in the hospital, she just changed her mind? As much as he wanted to yell and scream at her he couldn't. He knew better than to push her into anything and she already seemed so broken. He needed to be there for her and if she wanted him as a friend than he was going to swallow his pride and longing for her and be the best friend that he could possibly be. He knew it would be hard, but he would take Hermione anyway he could get her and right now that was as a friend. There was nothing in the world that could make him push Hermione away.

So, with clenched teeth and a hardened expression, he said "It's fine Hermione. We can just forget about it."

She could tell from his locked jaw and stony expression he was angry. For some reason, this worried her, and she chewed on her lip. She hoped he wasn't too mad. Oh god, he was going to hate her now. She kept moving he eyes down to his clenched fist, wondering if he was going to swing them at her. Ron had never made a move of violence on Hermione, but, for some reason, she still felt that he might. Her lip started to quiver like she was about to cry and she sniffled. Ron looked at her and his expression softened.

"Are you mad at me?" she wheezed.

"Hermione, no. It's okay." He said in a gentle tone.

She still felt shaken from seeing Ron angry with her and began to tremble and sob. She was so terrified that he was angry or upset with her, and she couldn't help but start crying. He got up as if he was going to hug or embrace her but Hermione flinched away from him and he stopped.

He was hurt that Hermione had moved away from him like he was some animal about to attack her. She looked up at him, shaking her head, and said through sobs, "I'm sorry, Ron. I-I'm sorry."

Hermione got up from the table and rushed out of the room, leaving a confused and depressed Ron Weasley behind her.


	5. Taking Steps

**N/A-Alright guys chapter 5 is up! I'm sorry, but with the holidays it took longer than anticipated. Thank you for all the reviews and i hope to see more!**

**P.S. My AMAZING BETA reader found inspiration in my story and has started her own story! Right now it's just a one shot, but is soon to be a story. IF you like Hermione/Draco than i think you'll like this. I personally lovvveee the first chap! Its called "Wounds of Realization" by maddymomo.**

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><p>Ron was laying in his small bed in his stuffy attic bedroom, staring at the ceiling in frustration. It had been two weeks since his encounter with Hermione in the kitchen and he was confused as to her reaction. It wasn't really about what she had said about the kiss, he could understand that. She had just been tortured and he didn't expect Hermione to be ready to just jump into a relationship just because he wanted to, but bloody hell did he want to. Just seeing Hermione made Ron's heart flip and her shapely figure didn't go unnoticed to him. One of the things Ron loved the most about Hermione was her underestimated beauty. She didn't flaunt her attractiveness like most girls, it was just there and it drove Ron stock-raving mad when she would flip her hair off her shoulder or when he saw her wearing his old sweaters. There was something about seeing Hermione encased in his clothes that made his mouth run dry and his blood go south.<p>

What had Ron confused though was her reaction to _his_ reaction. Ron, of course, was a little frustrated with himself at the time and, like always, it showed through. He wasn't surprised that Hermione saw through his façade-what surprised him was that she was actually scared of him.

Ron was so used to the Hermione who would blow of his frustration and ignore it because she was so used to it, or the Hermione who would jump down his throat when their stubbornness would take hold of their arguments and have them screaming at each other. He was used to confident, stubborn, hotheaded Hermione. Crying, weak, scared Hermione was not something he was used to at all, and he didn't want to be.

It just didn't make any bloody sense. She acted like he was going to attack her. HIM attack HER! Was she crazy? Ron would never lay a hand on Hermione, and he thought she would know that. It hurt to know Hermione thought that he would do something like that to her. He thought she knew somewhat of his feelings for her since the kiss, but it seemed she still didn't see his infatuation with her.

What was driving him absolutely mental was why she still wasn't talking to him. For one, whenever they would get into a heated argument, especially one this small, it would usually blow over. However, Hermione hadn't spoken to him since their small row in. And it wasn't her icy cold shoulder, but fear. Anytime he would come into a room she was in or she come into a room he was in she would run out or mumble some excuse about starting on her essays for school.

His thoughts stayed on Hermione all morning until her finally got up from his bed, knowing that by now there was no point in trying to sleep. So, he stumbled down the stairs into the kitchen to be met with the smells of only a famous Molly Weasley breakfast. He sat down and started shoveling things onto his plate. Nothing could stop Ron from enjoying a meal, not even Hermione ignoring him.

Ginny, who was sitting across from him, watched in disgust as Ron started stuffing his face with food.

"Are you gonna eat that or just continue to inhale it?" Ginny said in mock disgust.

Ron looked up and stopped eating just long enough to respond. "No, thanks, I think I'll just continue." and he started eating, just as disgustingly as before.

She scoffed at him, and he leaned over the table and opened his mouth food filled mouth in front of her face. Ginny, who should have been horrified by the sight, just said, "You honestly think that growing up with 6 brothers wouldn't prepare me for such a disgusting troll as yourself?"

"Yeah, well, I thought I would be used to seeing your short little troll self every day, but it still makes me nauseous." Ron said with a sarcastic tone and overzealous smile.

"You kids stop arguing and eat your breakfast!" Mrs. Weasley barked.

When Mrs. Weasley turned her back around to the stove Ginny stuck her tongue out at Ron and Ron very politely put up a very rude finger up in her direction.

Ginny, not really having much of an appetite anymore, got up from the table and started to head up the stairs. She stopped just before reaching them and took a few steps back to smack Ron on the back of the head.

Startled by the sudden abuse, he started choking and sputtering on his food as Ginny calmly continued her journey to her bedroom. On her way up the stairs, she heard the shower running and assumed it was Fred or George. She continued to make her way to her room and noticed Hermione wasn't in there, and assumed she was reading in the garden again- she'd taken to it quite a bit lately.

Since school was due to start soon and Ginny had just arrived back from the Lovegood's earlier that week she thought it might be good idea to start her potions essay. Snape, being the greasy haired dung that he was, decided that a full parchment essay would be just enough to keep his students busy over the holidays.

Half way through her essay on "How to Obtain the Necessary Ingredients for Bulbadox Powder" She heard a knock on her door.

"Come in!" she looked up to see Fred and George enter her room and start looking around.

"What are you two doing? I thought one of you was in the shower?" she asked, confused. She was sure it had to be one of them since herDdad was at work, Ron and her Mum were down stairs and Hermione was in the garden.

They both looked up from their search and looked into her eyes curiously.

"No, we saw Hermione going down there a little while ago." Fred said.

"Odd though, I could have sworn she took one last night." George countered.

"Really? I heard her in there earlier this morning." Fred responded.

"Yeah, so did I. That's really odd of her."

Ginny was a little curious as to why Hermione was continuously taking showers. She noticed that she had been taking a lot more of them since she got to the Burrow, but thought nothing of it. Now, it just seemed to add to her list of odd behavior. Ginny noticed she wasn't eating, she was really jumpy and had been staying away from most of the family-trying to avoid conversation.

She knew Hermione would be a little off since her capture, but some things were just far too abnormal. She kept wearing huge sweatshirts that came to mid-thigh, which Ginny found very strange since it was July. She was also continuously biting her bottom lip to the point that it was scabbing and Ginny heard her screaming out strange things in her sleep.

George stole her from her train of thought and said in a voice appearing as if he didn't find anything odd, "Well, have you seen any Fainting Fancy's around? We seem to be missing a few." and started looking under her bed.

"No, I don't know where any of your silly candies are, now will you please bugger off? I'm trying to get this Potions essay done."

"Okay, fine. But if you see any blue toffee looking candies do NOT eat them. We're still trying to work out the kinks and if you eat it, it might just turn your hair blue." George said and they both left the room. Before Fred closed the door, he said, "Actually, go head and eat it. See if the results differ from ours."

Ginny shouted at her closed door, "Bugger off, the both of you!"

She continued on with her essay and soon Hermione entered with her hair up in a towel and covered in a fluffy robe.

"There you are. How many showers do you need? I know being around my brother can be disgusting at times, but we don't want you to get a rash from all the washing you're doing." Ginny chuckled.

Hermione's mouth opened and closed like a fish, too surprised to find a proper response in her befuddled brain.

After a few moments of silence, Ginny looked up to see the surprised look on her face and said, "Relax, Hermione. I was only kidding."

Hermione put on a forced smile and laughed. Ginny looked at her oddly, but looked back down at her essay a moment later, shaking her head.

Hermione chose to ignore the awkward situation and grabbed some clothes to put on. Since she didn't want to change in front of Ginny, she started to make her way towards the door to go back to the bathroom only to hear the twins murmuring to each other on the other side. Something about fainting, candy, and blue hair…

Hermione started to panic, not sure what to do. She knew Ginny wouldn't mind Hermione changing in front of her, but Hermione just couldn't do it. She didn't want Ginny to see all the scars she had and especially not the one on her arm. She still had faint scratching marks on her stomach and yellowing bruises on her inner thigh.

It wasn't just the bruises though. It was the fact that Hermione felt so ugly. She felt revolted by even catching glimpses of herself in the mirror. Hermione felt as if nobody would ever want to see her body, because she herself certainly did not.

Ginny looked back up from the parchment she was writing on and gave Hermione an odd expression. She was standing by the door with her hand on the knob, completely still. Her face was twisted up as if she was considering something in her head and instead of letting her continue Ginny said "Hermione", startled she looked up.

"What are you doing?" Hermione could tell Ginny saw something was up by the look on her face. _Am I really being that obvious_? Hermione asked herself.

Hermione was having trouble finding words but, seeing as she didn't have a choice, said, "Could you leave the room for a moment so I can change? Your brothers are out there and I really don't want to go out in just this to go back to the bathroom to change."

Ginny chuckled in surprise "Hermione, you can change in here it's fine. We've been doing it since I was twelve."

There it was again. She was biting her lip, far too aggressively in Ginny's mind. _What is the matter with her?_

Hermione bit her lip and looked down at the ground, "I know," and she paused for a second to take a deep nervous breath, "could you just leave for a moment? I'll be quick."

Ginny furrowed her eyebrows together with a mildly surprised expression. "Hermione, are you okay? Why do you want me to leave?"

Hermione looked up and felt anger rise and flow through her. Why couldn't she just leave? She always asks so many questions.

"Ginny, look, I really don't want to talk about this right now. Could you just step out for a second? I'll be right out."

Ginny looked taken aback and said in a gentle voice, "Look, Hermione, you can talk to me. I mean, whatever's going on, you can tell me. We're friends remember?" Ginny grabbed Hermione's hand and gently squeezed it.

Hermione looked down at their conjoined hands and started to feel nervous. For some reason Hermione felt uneasy about Ginny holding her hand. She quickly jerked her hand out of Ginny's and mumbled something about just using the bathroom.

She quickly fled the room, thankful that Fred and George had gone, and started descending the one flight of stairs to the bathroom.

She quickly got out of her robe and changed her clothes. She somehow managed to steal another one of Ron's infamous Weasley sweaters to hide under. She had her head down when she left the bathroom and ran straight into someone. She let out a little squeak of surprise and felt like she was going to jump out of her skin.

The person she ran into steadied her by holding her by her arms on either side with a firm grasp. She suddenly didn't feel too comfortable. She looked up only to met with the very person she had been trying to avoid. Ron.

She stood there, holding her breath and waiting for him to speak, but he also stood silent and still. She started to feel uncomfortable again and shook his arms off her. That seemed to have surprised him and he mumbled an apology.

As much as she was avoiding Ron, it didn't mean she didn't miss him or want to see him. She just felt it was easier to just avoid the situation with Ron all together by not talking to him. That way there would be no questions about her behavior in the kitchen. There was just too much to explain that she didn't really want to tell him.

He looked into her eyes from under his lashes with his hands in his pockets and let out a sigh. He really didn't know what to say since she hadn't seemed like she wanted to talk to him. Trying to break the awkward silence he said, "Mum made breakfast if you want to go down and have some."

Hermione averted her gaze and quietly said, "Thanks, but I'm not too hungry right now."

"Hermione you've barely been eating, you should really eat." He said concerned.

She looked back up at him and said, "Its fine Ron, really. I was just going outside." She said exasperated.

Ron quickly responded, "Alright, I'll come with you. I've barely had one conversation with you since you got here."

Hermione's initial instinct was to shout no and run off, but people were really starting to question her behavior and she didn't want to bring herself any more attention than she already had. She needed to start acting normal, especially for Ron. The one person who can tell when something is off with her is him. So, knowing she would regret it, she said, "Alright."

For a second Ron looked very surprised that she had said yes to him coming along. He could have sworn she would have bolted out of the room for him just having made the suggestion. So he quickly nodded and they descended the steps and were quickly sitting by the oak tree Ron used to play at as a boy.

They both sat down under the oak tree and stared off onto the Weasley property. Hermione couldn't help but feel serene here. There was nothing here that had been tainted by her experience. Everything there was natural. There were no odd creaks at night, no questions, and no confinements. It was just the sounds of birds, a light breeze, and the endless sky all there to keep her company.

Her and Ron sat quietly for a while bathing in the peace of the garden when Ron suddenly spoke, "I used to come out here a lot." He turned his head to look at her, "You know, when something was bothering me- like when the twins would tease me -I would just come out here and calm down. I really miss coming out here."

Hermione looked at him and really appreciated his presence then. It was nice that he could just sit there with her and add a few words every now and then. He somehow knew she didn't want to talk, so he just said little thoughts that passed his mind. It made her feel more at ease. Him talking kept her from thinking about anything significant. She wished she could sit here all day and talk about non sense. Just like at the hospital.

Ron stretched out his legs and crossed them over each other; leaned against the tree with a content sigh. She followed suit and she said, "Yeah, it's really a nice place to think."

Ron looked out towards the horizon of Ottery St. Catchpole that was just beyond the field's wheat that blocked the Muggles off from the Burrow and he chuckled.

She looked at him smiling and said, "What's so funny?"

He looked over at her with his famous crooked smile and teased, "Leave it to Hermione Granger to come somewhere and think. Don't you do that enough?"

She smiled, but turned her head back to the front, "Leave it to Ron Weasley to never think."

He smiled and laughed, "Well, I don't have to because I have you around."

She smiled and laughed - Ron thought it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Her brown eyes lit up in that magical way they always did when she was truly happy and her lips curled up into the most breathtaking smile. He couldn't help but be content knowing he was the one that made such a beautiful sound come from her lips. He missed her smile.

"I miss your smile." he said without thinking. Normally he would regret such a blatant statement, but it had been too long since one had graced her face, and he had to let her know.

The statement had caught her by surprised but pleased her at the same time. She wasn't really sure what to say to him after that. It was so out of the blue, but it felt good to smile. It felt good to feel like it was okay to smile and it felt good to know he wanted to see her smile.

Still smiling slightly, sighed, and said "Yeah, so do I."

He held her gaze and she felt like she physically couldn't look away. She could see so much life and love in those eyes. His smile faded into seriousness and he looking right at her he said, "You know you can talk to me, right?"

She kept looking into his eyes and she didn't want to lie, but she knew she had to. She didn't want to ruin this moment with her tragedies. She wanted to keep this moment untainted by her pain, so she looked him right in the eye and responded, trying to portray truth, "Of course."

He could tell she wasn't telling him something. Unlike a lot of people, Ron could read Hermione easily through her eyes. He could tell whenever she was lying and right now he knew that she was. He didn't want her to run away from him again and to be honest, he really didn't want to force her into telling him, and so he kept his mouth shut. He just wanted to remind her that he would be there when or if she was ready.

He looked away and said, "I just wanted you to know." And they were soon bathed in silence again. It wasn't awkward, but a comfortable contentment to just sit there and enjoy each other's company. He so desperately wanted to hold her hand or in some way touch her, but he wouldn't for fear she would reject him. It seemed like such a good moment too, but sometimes your thoughts can deceive you into believing things you wish to happen.

Her just being there was good enough for him. Having not been in her presence for a week had driven him half mad.

Hermione and Ron sat there for a few minutes, swimming in their own thoughts until Ron interrupted the silence again and said,

"You know, Harry is coming next Friday. Mum said he could come a week before school starts. I wanted to tell you sooner, but with everything going on, I didn't get the chance." There was really nothing kept him from telling her this other than her avoiding him but he thought it was better not to bring it up.

Hermione felt a pang of panic hit her at the thought of Harry coming. She bit her lip and started scratching her scarred arm. _Oh god, how am I going to tell him what happened?_

She started breathing heavy and her eyes darted around the scenery that lay in front of her. Ron looked over to see her fretful face and felt panic himself.

She looked up at him and between intakes of breathe said, "I have to tell him. I can't tell him."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Hermione. We can tell him together. It's okay."

She looked at him with fearful eyes and said, "Really? Yo-you'll help me?"

"Of course, Hermione."

She still felt nervous to tell Harry, but knowing Ron was there eased the tension a bit. Her breathing regulated, but her shoulder's remained tense. Ron's hand was still on her shoulder but he quickly removed it.

She started scratching the scar on her arm again and Ron looked down, trying to lighten the mood said, "And here I thought you enjoyed wearing my famous Weasley sweaters."

His face lost its smile, though and he added, "Hermione, you don't need to wear that. No one here will judge you."

She pulled the sleeve down and said, "I know. I just don't like looking at it."

He pulled her sleeve up and looked to her for permission. She didn't feel entirely comfortable, but he just held onto her forearm and looked at the scar. Looking at it made her uneasy, but Ron's presence was soothing. She bit her lip and closed her eyes. She really hated looking at it. Hated it.

As sudden as it had come, he pulled her sleeve down and, with her head down and eyes still closed, she said, "I don't want to go back to school."

She sighed and opened her eyes to see Ron's staring back into her's in confusion, "I-I just know someone's going to see it. A-as much as I try to hide it someone will see it. I don't want the questions.

"Don't worry about it, Hermione. Harry, Ginny, and I will be there for you. You aren't alone."

He looked at her with such a sincere expression that it made her heart hurt. This still didn't calm her though. She wasn't ready. She just couldn't see herself being able to deal with it. How was she going to dorm with Parvati and Lavender if she didn't even feel comfortable around Ginny?

She responded with a doubtful "Yeah." And the conversation ended.

Ron looked at her, wishing he could say more, but knew there were no words. Wishing to end the silence, Ron said, "Hey, you wanna help me with my Transfigurations essay? I haven't started it, and since school starts soon, I might as well. I'll need your help anyway."

She gave a familiar sigh and said, "Ron, when will you ever do your homework without my help?"

He smiled, seeing a little bit of the old Hermione, and stood up, "Well when your around to help there's just no point in trying to do it myself." He smiled.

She 'Umf'ed at him and stood. They began walking back to the Burrow when she said; "Ron?" and he looked over at her.

She moved towards him and gave him a quick hug. He was too surprised to return it in time and left his arms hanging. She pulled away and he had an expression of confusion mixed with happiness.

As uncomfortable as she was hugging him, it was quick, painless, and she felt like he deserved it for being such a good friend. She felt like this was a step in the right direction for them. She walked into the house, feeling a little more light hearted than she had felt before she left.

Ron was still standing outside, still surprised at Hermione's spontaneous hug when she went into the house.


	6. A Promise

**N/A: Alright guys, here's chapter 7. SOrry it took so long, but for some reason my beta's computer couldn't get her DocX to work so it took a while. Anyway, I'm not sure how i feel about this chapter so tell me what you think. Also, if there is anything specific you wanna see in the story let me know :) annnddd i fixed up my tumblr so if you guys wanna follow me, my URL is .com **

**Thank you for all the reviews! I appreciate it so much, you have no idea! Anyway i hope you enjoy :)**

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><p>Ron was sitting in his room reading an article in a magazine on the Chudley Cannons when he heard his mother call up to him from the bottom of the stairs<p>

, "RONALD WEASLEY IF THAT ROOM IS NOT CLEAN WHEN I GET UP THERE, HARRY IS GETTING YOUR BED, AND YOU CAN SLEEP WITH THAT GHOUL IN THE ATTIC!"

This caught Ron's attention, and he threw the magazine down on his bed as he started picking up random articles of clothing and candy wrappers off his floor to be thrown half-hazardley under his bed or in his closet. He had just put the last candy wrapper in his pillow case when his mum walked in to inspect. She looked at him suspiciously, standing in the middle of his room, and she looked around. Seeming to be pleased with what she saw, she left the room, and Ron let out the breath he was holding.

He was just about to head down stairs when Hermione knocked on his door. She stood there for a minute trying to find a place to sit and chose the chair by his desk. This way Ron couldn't sit near her on the bed. She was looking down at the floor and was scratching her scar nervously when she said, "Harry comes back today." and looked up at Ron.

Ron watched as Hermione scratched the scar on her arm. As much as he itched to take her hand so she would stop, he knew there was an invisible boundary between them that kept him from doing this. Since their talk last week, he and Hermione were on good terms once again. She seemed a little more comfortable around him and he was pleased with this. She still wasn't comfortable around most of the family, but she seemed okay around Ron. She still wasn't back to her normal self, but a little bit of that old fire came through on occasions. They mostly sat around the garden together because that was where Ron noticed she seemed most comfortable, he could see her shoulder's visibly relax when he would offer to go down and sit by the pond. He thought that having so many people around her made her uncomfortable so he would always try and ease the tension by asking her to come outside.

The only other person Hermione seemed just as comfortable around as Ron was Bill. Whenever he would come around Hermione seemed a lot happier and more talkative. Ron was a little jealous, but seeing Hermione happy made him push it aside. Plus, with Bill around, Ron felt he could relax a little knowing there was someone else who could keep just as close an eye on Hermione as him. Ron couldn't be around all the time to suggest going to the garden, asking her to play chess to get her mind off things, or get her to eat. So, when Bill was there he didn't feel as bad to leave Hermione when his mum left him with chores like degnoming the garden.

Hermione wasn't too pleased with his behavior with keeping such a close eye on her, and sometimes she would try and escape his protective behavior by sitting on the side of the house to read or just be by herself. She appreciated Ron taking care of her, but sometimes she just needed a second to get her thoughts together and most of the time Ron would understand this. A few times, out of worry, he would go looking for her, but when he found her he would try to go unnoticed and sneak off. She had caught him doing this, but chose not to bring it up. He was just worried and a lot of the time she did need him there. He was like her rock; he was the something there she knew would never harm her and she took comfort in his presence.

There still were some things Ron and Bill couldn't even do around Hermione, though. They knew not to touch her unless she did so first or she would get tense and start looking a little panicky. They couldn't stop her from taking multiple showers or she would get visibly angry and start screaming when they would ask why she took so many. And lastly, they couldn't bring up her capture unless she talked about it first.

Ron learned that the hard way when he again tried to ask Hermione what happened to her on the two nights she was away. Hermione had fallen asleep down stairs when Ron heard her screaming. He had come down for some pumpkin juice. He woke her and when she calmed down he told her it might be best if she talked about it and that it could give her the closure she needed to make the dreams would stop. He noticed she started to panic at the thought of it and soon she was hyperventilating and she didn't calm down for half an hour. After that he didn't bring it up unless she did and afterwards, Ron told Bill to do the same.

Hermione was looking up at Ron, waiting for him to say something. He knew what she met about Harry coming. Not that he wouldn't notice the right state she was in even if they didn't say anything.

He decided to say the only thing he could, "Hermione, It's gonna be fine. I'll be there."

She was still looking at him when she said, "What if he's angry? He'll never forgive me."

Ron sighed and said, "Look Hermione, he's gonna be a little upset because we didn't tell him after it happened, but he'll get over it. Either that, or he'll be being a right git and I'll pummel him." He ended in a joke hopefully to break the tension.

She smiled reluctantly and said, "Language, Ronald, and you will not hit Harry." She chastised.

He smiled, happy to see her nagging at him like she used to, and said, "I was only kidding, but if he stays angry too long, I might give him one of the twins faulty Fainting Fancy's."

She laughed and seemed to feel a little better. "When does he arrive?"

"Well he said in his letter around noon so he should be here any minute now." Ron said,

As if on cue, he heard the front door of the Burrow open and the sound of his mum coddling Harry. Hermione felt a surge of panic run through her. She thought she would have a few minutes to prepare herself, but it seemed as if she had no time left.

Ron looked at Hermione to see her panic stricken face looking up at him. He knew Harry would be coming upstairs any minute, so, as a last attempt to calm her nerves, he said as calmly as possible, "Remember Hermione, I'm here."

Seconds later, Harry came bursting through the room. He looked skinnier than before he had left and an inch taller. His mop of black hair had grown past his eyes but flipped up, allowing him to see. He wore a smile but the circles under his eyes told you the story of a boy who had been grieving all summer of the loss of a godfather. It was unbelievable to think the incident in the Department of Mysteries happened just before school got out, but to Ron and Hermione, it felt like years away.

Hermione jumped up in surprise upon Harry's entry and was standing stalk still. Harry first approached Ron and gave him a brotherly hug and both knew that there was no point in asking of the summer.

Harry let go of Ron and turned to give Hermione a hug. Ron watched as Harry engulfed Hermione in a hug and she stood there stock still. Harry backed up and looked at her strangely.

"You okay, Hermione?" Harry said suspiciously.

Her mouth hung a gape, trying to think of response when she looked to Ron for help. Ron thought now was the time more than ever and heaved a heavy sigh, "Look mate, we need to talk to you about something that happened over the summer." Ron sat down on his bed as Harry met his eyes with confusion. Ron added, "We would have told you sooner, but we didn't want you worrying while you were at the Dursley's."

Ron waited a second to see Harry's response. He had a blank look in his eyes and clenched fists. He sat down on the floor opposite Ron and looked between Hermione and Ron and said , "Well go on then. What happened to you two?"

Ron looked up at Hermione and could tell there was no way she seemed fit to tell harry this so Ron thought he would do the honors (if you could call it that).

Ron took a deep breath and looked harry in the eyes only to avert his somewhere just beyond Harry's head.

Ron rubbed his hands on his thighs in nervousness and said, "Nothing happened to me and Hermione. It was just Hermione."

He looked up to see Harry looking at Ron confused, Ron than looked over at Hermione to see her looking at her hands in her lap intently.

Both Ron and Harry were looking at her and she seemed unfazed until Harry broke the silence, "Hermione," he said hesitantly. She looked up at him with fear in her eyes and started scratching her scar in nervousness.

"Hermione, what happened?" You could see a hint of anger flare in his green eyes as he looked at Hermione determinedly.

"I-I was t-taken capture for few days. A-at Malfoy M-manor." She tried to keep her breathe steady as she said this. She really didn't want Harry to worry about her, he had so much more to deal with and it wasn't his fault.

Harry's eyes bulged in surprise and then a look of hurt crossed his face. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asked through clenched teeth. When no one answered he looked towards Ron who was looking resolutely at the floor.

He looked towards Hermione and she was looking up at him trying to find words when she said, "We didn't want you to worry. With everything going on it just didn't seem n-necessary to t-tell you."

Harry felt anger bubble up inside him at that point. His green eyes tore right through Hermione's and she seemed to shrink under his gaze, but he was blinded by his anger to see how visibly Hermione was shaken by his reaction.

"What do you mean you didn't seem important to bloody tell me? One of my BEST friend's was tortured, and no one thought I might like to know?" his voice raised slightly and his words were spat out like venom.

Ron looked up to see Hermione visibly shaking from Harry's reaction. He could tell she was trying to keep it together, but Ron knew better. He could see her absentmindedly scratching at her scar and out of habit of telling her he said in a comforting but demanding tone, "Oi, Hermione stop that." and gently grabbed her wrist to stop her. She looked up at him silently only to look back down and pull her sleeve down.

Harry looked between Ron and Hermione confused at Ron's actions until he got a glimpse of raised pink letters on Hermione's arm. He walked over and pulled up her shirt sleeve only to see the word "MUDBLOOD" brutally scarred across her arm.

He pulled it up so Hermione could see and said, "Yeah, no need to know about this." and dropped her arm to turn away.

"What exactly did they do you to Hermione?" He was looking at her expectantly and saw her mouth gaping and eyes wide. She could see the guilt in his eyes as he said this. She knew Harry well enough to know the anger wasn't geared towards her, but himself. Hermione wanted to shout at him to stop and tell him it wasn't his fault and that she was fine. That there was no need to worry and she was sorry. But something kept her mouth closed. Maybe it was how ridiculously dry her throat was or that her vision was slightly blurred with unshed tear. She began to feel frustrated with herself. This was so unlike her and she wanted to fight back and be the voice of reason. She didn't want to feel shaken. She wanted to tell him everything, but at this point she couldn't even make a coherent thought. She was even more frustrated because this was the first time she really even had to seriously think about what happened and it was making her feel uneasy, so she ended up frozen in her spot trying to find a way to respond to Harry. All this situation was doing was bringing up the memories of what happened and she was beginning to be frightened by Harry's anger. She looked down at the ground only to catch a glimpse of the scar on her arm and the memories started to flow through her head as she looked away from it quickly, but it did nothing to help the vivid images of Bellatrix hovering over her with her wand and slowly dragging it across her skin. She could almost hear Bellatrix laughing and almost feel her hair on her face as she watched her slowly carve each letter forcefully into her skin.

Hermione felt the air leave her lungs as she tried to get the image out of her head. She could feel her pulse pick up and her vision fade. She tried to pull down her shirt sleeve, but found it difficult with her hands shaking so much. She kept trying to breath, but it seemed her throat was blocked and she felt panicked.

Her feet swayed and she felt someone catch her and call her voice frantically as she lost consciousness.

Ron gripped Hermione tightly and carried her to the bed. He kept on saying her name to get her to open her eyes.

Harry kneeled next to him and looked absolutely terrified as to what just happened. Ron had no idea what to do so he looked at harry and said, "Go get Bill. He's with my dad in the shed."

Harry nodded his head and quickly vacated the room.

Ron had no idea what to do as he looked at Hermione lying motionless on his bed. He didn't expect her to panic so strongly. He expected he would be able to calm her down or at least calm Harry down before he got too angry. Ron didn't understand why she was so afraid of Harry though, Ron imagined him reacting a lot worse to the situation. Both he and Hermione had seen harry much angrier so he didn't expect Hermione to get so shaken so quickly. He was going to let them work it out without him and intervene if he saw things getting out of hand, but he was watching Harry so carefully he didn't even notice Hermione until she nearly fell to the floor.

I should have been watching her more carefully, he thought in frustration.

"Hermione, Hermione please wake up." He shook her shoulder lightly and waited for a response to only see her lie motionless.

He began to panic not realizing why she had collapsed in the first place and though frantically of what to do. Harry was taking too long and Ron felt like hours were passing. He looked frantically around the room for inspiration only to see his wand sitting on his night stand. In a last ditch attempt he grabbed it and said, "Rennerverate!"

He waited and saw as Hermione's eyelids fluttered open and look around the room, "What happened? Where's Harry?" and she looked at him confused as she began to sit up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lay back down." Ron commanded. He was so relieved she was awake, but still didn't want to take any chances when she had just collapse. It wouldn't be so great if she passed out again and had a concussion.

Hermione furrowed her brow in confusion and laid back down. "What happened?" she asked again.

"Well you were standing here talking to Harry and then you looked really panicked and just collapsed." He said sounding to hermione as if he was quite flustered.

She was about to ask how she ended up on his bed when Harry came bounding back in the room looking very frightened, with Mr. Weasley and Bill right behind him. Hermione groaned at the scene she was causing. Now they would be keeping an even closer eye on her until they left for school. She fell back on to the pillow and put her palms over her eyes in frustration.

"Ron, what happened?" Mr. Weasley's blue eyes were filled with concern and his voice was calm, while Bill's eyes looked distraught and he seemed to be breathing heavy trying to search out Hermione.

When their eyes landed on Hermione it seemed as if they relaxed with relief to see her awake. When Harry had come to find them, he looked as if something completely horrible had happened, and he seemed too panicked to let anything coherent come out of his mouth so they both rushed up to his room.

"She collapsed, but she seems fine now." Ron answered.

They both looked towards Hermione and Bill said, "Hermione, what happened?"

In all honesty she really didn't know. One minute she was standing here talking to Harry and the next she just felt like the world was caving in on her and she woke up on Ron's bed.

"I-I don't know. I was talking to Harry about…..what happened a-and I just remember waking up." She replied nervously. She really hoped nothing was seriously wrong with her. It was nice to have Ron watching over her, but she didn't need him to start suffocating her with his worry.

Bill looked like he seemed to be contemplating something in his mind as he looked down at Hermione and the room was silent. The silence was driving Ron mad so he spoke up and said, "What do you think's wrong with her?"

Bill was still looking at Hermione when he asked her questioningly, "Hermione, what were you thinking about before you collapsed? Were you thinking about what happened?"

"Well, yes, of course. Harry asked me what happened." This seemed to clear everything up for Bill when he nodded his head in understanding solemnly.

"Have any of you heard of panic attacks?" Bill questioned them all.

"Well, yeah. People in the Muggle world have them. It usually happens after something traumatic happens in that person's life." Harry answered.

Again, Bill nodded and he said, "Exactly. Hermione it seems because you have been through something traumatic that you now might be prone to having panic attacks."

Hermione nodded her head in understanding. This made a lot of sense to her, and she'd known it was coming. She knew she wouldn't be right in the head after what happened, but she was hoping against all odds that this wouldn't happen. Great, just another thing to make her seem weak. She was so mad and frustrated at herself she felt the need to pull her own hair out. This just wasn't fair. When would she be herself again.

"Bill, how would you know about these muggle attacks?" Ron said. He had been quiet until then, trying to absorb everything that everyone was saying and he felt worried for Hermione. He wasn't even sure what these attack thingy's were.

"I used to have them." He stated as he pointed to the scars that reached from his eye and stretched down to his jawline.

"Well, what are they?" Ron asked curiously and a little agitated that someone still hadn't explained it.

"Well, after Greyback attacked me I kept having these flashbacks, mostly when I would look in the mirror and see the scars on my face. It would feel like my throat would close up and I couldn't see. I would usually pass out like Hermione just did, but I've learned to control them and they've gone away." Bill finished.

"Well can't we just give her something for them so they'll stop?" Ron asked.

"Yes, excessive amounts of calming drought, but then she would never be like herself and she would become reliant on it causing them to be worse when she wouldn't have it." Bill explained.

"I'm just going to have to live with it then, aren't I?" Hermione stated with venom. She was looking towards the floor when she said this, but her gaze was so strong that it almost burnt a hole through the wood.

"Hermione, it will—", Ron had started to say only to have Hermione to interrupt him.

"No. No it won't Ronald. It will never be okay. I will never be okay. Don't tell me it's going to be okay because it's not, and you know it's not." Hermione's voice was low and concentrated and it held so much venom in it that for seconds no one spoke. Ron hadn't heard Hermione angry in a while and even now it was relieving it was still somewhat terrifying.

"No one can bloody touch me, and now I can't even stay conscious." And with that she got up to leave the room and she slammed the door behind her. Ron went up to go after he when Bill put his arm up to stop him. Ron looked up and Bill shook his head. He would usually protest, but he knew Bill was right so he just sat down on his bed with his head in his hands.

He heard Bill and his dad leave the room and almost forgot harry was there until he said, "It was my fault wasn't it? Her collapsing?" You could hear the guilt layered in Harry's voice as he spoke.

"No, mate. Honestly, if I really think about it she's been having little ones since before you got here and it was bound to happen again sooner or later." Ron sighed. He didn't know what to do. How could he comfort Hermione when he knew everything she said was true? This just wasn't fair.

"What happened?" Harry said almost inaudibly.

"I'm not really sure. I didn't even know it happened till I heard she was taken to St. Mungo's. All I know is that she isn't okay. She just isn't the same, you know? That fire that was there, i-it's gone and it makes me _so fucking angry_."

Ron could feel his pulse pick up and the anger flow through him just read to explode. He needed to do something. Hit something. So he stood up from his bed and punched the wall. If there was one thing Ron Weasley knew, it was anger and that it was a hell of a lot easier to deal with than pain.

Ron put his head on the wall and through clenched teeth said, "No one can even give her a hug without her being terrified. She won't eat, she hasn't been sleeping because all she has is nightmares and she takes 50 bloody showers a day."

They stayed quiet for a moment as Ron tried to calm his labored breathing. Harry sat still. He wasn't sure what to say. Harry hadn't been here this whole time so he really didn't know Hermione had been having it hard lately. If he had known he probably would have tried to control his anger more, but instead he let it through thinking Hermione as usual would have been able to handle it.

"How is she going to go to school in the state she's in?" Harry commented.

Ron turned around to face Harry and said, "That's another thing I'm worried about. I can keep my eye on her here. Make sure she eats and gets to sleep. Bill and I have been watching over her making sure she's comfortable, but when we get to school I won't be able to do that. I don't know how she's gonna do it." He put his palms over his eyes and rubbed as he tilted his head back in stress. He let out a heavy sigh and tried not to think about how he was going to help Hermione while in school. He was so worried that she was going to only get worse when they got to school without him keeping a watchful eye on her.

"Ron." Harry said. Ron lowered his hands to be met with Harry's fierce eyes.

"We won't let anything happen to her, not even herself." Harry said. Ron looked back at Harry with the same fierce expression and sheer determination, accompanied by and agreeing nod.

This wasn't just a statement though, it was a promise to each other. A promise that together they would watch over Hermione and make sure she was safe. A promise not to quit.


	7. First Day

**Hey guys! Wow, the response to this story has been great so far! All the reviews and alerts for this story really make me want to keep going with this story. Now for this chapter I'm not really sure what I think of it so I would love for some more feedback on this chap. Again thank you and thank you to my beta maddymomo's story.**

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><p>Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. She was standing in front of the entrance to platform 9 ¾ trying to calm herself down for the stressful day that lay ahead of her. She didn't really know what about the summer ending made her so nervous, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that things were about to change and not in a good way. The burrow had been her safe haven for the past month and now she had to get use to life at Hogwart's after just getting used to the Burrow.<p>

The only positive thing and slightly normal thing she could think of was that Harry, Ron, and Ginny were still gonna be there and she had them to rely on. Especially Ron, she relied on Ron so much since getting to the Burrow and without him she would probably be way worse. He could always calm her down and he just knew exactly what to do around her.

She was going to miss Bill though. I mean Bill kind of felt like the very protective older brother Hermione had never had. She felt safe and protected around him, like a child would around a parent. With him also knowing exactly what happened to her she felt a little easier around him and he understood her more because of that. He even taught her some breathing techniques to stop her panic attacks.

She jumped when she felt someone put their hand on her shoulder only to see Ron standing next to her. He didn't say anything, but she knew he was letting her know she had his support. Hermione had started to feel a little easier around Ron, Harry and Ginny. She really didn't mind as much when they touched her or anything as she did before. It still made her feel uneasy, but it was getting easier for her to handle. If someone else were to approach her though she might not be so calm.

Hermione gave Ron a small smile in thanks and he continued through the entrance.

_This is it,_ she thought.

Before she decided to go through the opening to the platform she turned around to see Bill waiting patiently for them all to board. Without thinking much of it she walked up to Bill and put her arms around him, it took Bill a second to react, but he soon put his arms around her in a bear hug. She held onto him for a few seconds wishing she could take Bill with her. She was just going to miss him so much, he had literally been her savior. He came to the hospital everyday when she was recovering and still helped her on a day to day basis.

"Thank you." She said into his chest.

He chuckled softly and said, "Hermione, don't thank me, you're family and that's what you do for family. You take care of them."

She sighed and squeezed him tighter, "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too," and he rubbed the top of her head affectionately as he pulled away to look into her eyes. "Just remember you can always owl me. I'll always be there Hermione."

She smiled and nodded and he added, "And don't forget Ron's there too."

This helped her feel a little better. Ron couldn't replace Bill, but that was only because Ron held a totally different place in her heart than Bill did. Bill was like a brother to Hermione, while Ron was…not.

She took one more deep breathe and walked away from Bill and through the brick wall between Platforms 9 and 10. When she reached the other side Ron, Ginny, and Harry were all waiting for her and they began to board the train.

Hermione forgot how small the aisles were in the train and tried her best to avoid coming in contact with anyone. She looked around trying not to focus on one thing, but she couldn't help but feel like everyone was looking at her. She kept her head down as much as possible. All she kept thinking was that they could see how dirty she was. She felt like she needed a shower.

She began to itch at her scar through her sleeve of her uniform and bite her lip. She really just wanted to find a compartment and get away from all the chaos. She kept walking, but felt like the walls were closing in on her on either side and her breathing became a little labored. She started doing the breathing exercises Bill taught her and it calmed her down, but she only had a little relief and her nerves were still going crazy. She felt Ron put his hand on her back to guide her through the hallways having must have seen her panic. She felt a little better knowing he was close by, but still, she felt like everyone was too close.

Ron was trying to get to a compartment as quickly as possible. He had decided to walk behind Hermione so he could watch for any warning size of a panic attack. She hadn't had one as bad since Harry had arrived, but she had had some little ones and they still worried Ron. He knew that if anyone saw her in one of her attacks it would only cause attention she didn't want or couldn't handle so he put his hand on her back when he saw her start scratching at her scar and her breathing quickened. He knew this would probably do little to relieve her, but he knew it would help her feel a little better to know he was there.

Harry was walking in front trying to find a compartment quickly because he could also see Hermione looking a little panicked. It was wired to be protecting Hermione like this for Harry. Usually she was so strong and kept her head, so to see her so distraught worried him. For some reason though he had a feeling something else went on that she wasn't telling them about, but he didn't feel comfortable bringing it up being too scared to see what her reaction might be.

Harry finally spotted an empty compartment and they all went in. Hermione sat by the window and Ron, of course, sat next to her. Hermione let herself calm down as she looked out the window of the compartment. She was so nervous about this school year thinking about all the things that she would have to endure. She tried to think of something else to get her mind off the days that lay ahead and she was looking out the window of the train with her thoughts wondering when Ron broke her out of her daze, "Hermione, we have to start heading to the Prefects meeting or were going to be late."

Hermione looked up at him and said, "Yeah, yeah, we should go.", and stood up. She was surprised at herself because she had completely forgotten about the prefect meeting, in fact she had completely forgot she was a prefect until just then. Of course, she wouldn't tell Ron that since he would probably be only too happy to forget they ever were prefects. Hermione might not be herself right now, but school and becoming head girl were definitely still a priority for her.

Hermione followed close behind Ron to the Prefects compartment and Hermione behind with her head down. She just had a feeling that everyone could see through her and knew what she was th0inking. She just wanted to disappear or borrow Harry's invisibility cloak.

Ron walked into the prefects compartment and sat down next to the window with Hermione sitting down next to him. They were five minutes early to the meeting and only the Ravenclaw Prefects had shown up so far.

Soon the Hufflepuff Prefect's entered with the Head boy and girl behind them.

The head girl looked around and furrowed her brow, "Where is the slytherin prefects? The meetings supposed to start now."

Everyone shrugged their shoulder's and she sighed and looked at the head boy who also shrugged.

"Well I guess we'll just start the meeting without them, then." She said exasperated.

As the meeting began Ron zoned out as he usually did since he saw Hermione who was listening along with taking notes. About half way into the meeting though the prefects for Slytherin did show up,of course that was Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson.

Draco walked in with laughing with Pansy only to stop when he came in to notice the Head girl throwing dagger's at him.

"Draco why are you late?" the head girl demanded.

"Sorry, I forgot." Was all he said before he sat down.

Ron being completely disinterested just zoned back out as the Head Girl started lecturing Draco about how important being punctual was and how he wasn't setting a good example for other students.

Hermione sat waiting patiently for the Head girl to stop lecturing Draco. To be honest she was a little peeved, how hard was it to be on time to the first prefect meeting of the year? After a few minutes the Head Girl started going over the patrolling schedule for the prefects and Hermione started taking notes knowing Ron wasn't listening to any of this and she would have to repeat it to him later.

She took a quick glance and Draco to notice him looking at her with a knowing smirk on his face that made her feel very uncomfortable. She felt herself tense up as he winked at her and looked back at the head girl as if nothing happened.

From that point on Hermione couldn't concentrate, Draco's presence was making her feel extremely uncomfortable. There's only one thing he could mean from the look he was giving her and it was that he knew. He must know it was at his house, Hermione thought.

Her whole body was rigid and the hair stood up on the back of her neck as her thoughts raced through her mind. _Don't panic._ She thought. She needed to keep it together. She closed her eyes and counted to ten and kept telling herself to breath, but it wasn't working. She couldn't open her eyes to look at everyone, but with her eyes closed she felt vulnerable.

_THINK_. She thought. I'm supposed to be the smartest witch of my age. _Think._ She tried to recall things that Bill told her to do when the breathing didn't help and she thought of the time Bill told her sometimes you need somebody to anchor you, to know that what you're feeling are just thoughts and there someone there with you, so Bill would talk to her when she felt one coming on, but Bill wasn't here.

She didn't know what to do and the panic was building up so without thinking she grabbed Ron's hand under the table and she began to breathe in and out. She kept telling herself Ron was there and she needed to keep it together during the meeting. Slowly she felt herself relax and started taking notes as if nothing had happened. She kept a death grip on Ron's hand though just to remind herself someone she trusted was there and would keep her safe.

When Hermione grabbed Ron's hand it immediately had him focused back in on the present. He looked at Hermione to see she wasn't even looking at him, but had her head down with her eyes close taking deep breathes. He could tell she was trying to prevent a panic attack, what he didn't know was why. He didn't notice anything that could trigger one. She seemed fine not only a second ago. He looked around the compartment and saw Draco with a smug look on his face and Ron felt anger rise with him.

Ron thought it must have been Draco considering Hermione had been tortured at his house and he lived with a bunch of Death Eater's. He must've done something to set Hermione off and Ron sat there throwing Daggers' at Draco with his eyes which draco never seemed to notice.

_Bloody prat._

He sat there fuming for the rest of the meeting and when the meeting was about to be over he looked at Hermione to notice she seemed relaxed and she was able to calm herself down and that she still hadn't let go of his hand.

For some reason Ron was happy Hermione was still holding his hand and did nothing to stop her from the death grip she held on him. He was happy Hermione could take comfort in the fact that he was there and he also just enjoyed holding Hermione's hand in general.

Soon the meeting was over and Ron stood up to leave with Hermione close behind him. She was so happy to be leaving and was about ready to jump out of her seat and run as far away from Draco as possible, but she couldn't possibly do that with all the other prefect's around so she just got as close to Ron as possible and walked behind him.

They were just out of the compartment when Draco came up behind her and whispered in her ear, "Had fun this summer, Mudblood? 'Cause I know someone who had a hell of a time with you.", and walked away toward the Slytherin compartment like it didn't even happen.

Hermione's blood ran cold and her eyes were filled of images of Greyback on top of her grunting and touching her. She felt her throat close up and her palms go sweaty.

_No,no,no,no,no. Not here. Please not here._

She tried to say Ron's name, but nothing came out and she felt blackness slowly approaching her. She felt a strong hand grab her hand and guide her somewhere, but she couldn't focus and continued trying to figure out how to breathe properly.

Ron had turned around when he felt Hermione wasn't behind him anymore to see Hermione eye's brimmed with tears and filled with panic and had a hand clutch her stomach like she was trying to breathe. He looked around to see what must've caused it or if anyone was around, but the only thing he saw was Draco walking away down the aisle of the train. He wanted to run after him and kill him, but he knew now was not the time.

_Shit. Shit. SHIT. _Was all he thought as he quickly came up to her.

He heard her try to say something, but nothing intelligible came out and he grabbed her hand and pulled her into an empty compartment. He sat down on the floor with his back to the wall of the train and his legs out in front of him with Hermione hunched up with her back to his chest and his arms holding her around her stomach.

He pulled out the book Bill had given him that he promised he would keep with him at all times, which he was now thankful he did. He used his wand to enlarge it and fumbling he opened it up to a page that Bill had marked for him.

"…_.if the breathing exercises fail to work take them to a quiet place and talk to them letting them know of your presence and coach them with the breathing exercises. When having a panic attack it is sometimes hard to focus and having someone there coaching you can help the person see through their panic and slowly come out of it…."_

Ron grabbed hold of Hermione's hand and soothingly talked to her.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. Come on Hermione. Remember what Bill taught you. Breathe, come one. In, out." He started breathing in and out heavily so Hermione could hear and copy him and he could see her start to breathe a little more evenly.

"At a girl. Come on, you're okay, Hermione. We're almost to school. You gotta get it together." Her eye's slowly started to focus and she looked up at him and her voice hoarse and barely above a whisper said, "Ron."

"Yeah, you're okay. I'm here remember." he soothed

She looked up at him and nodded her head as tears began to brim her eyes again. Without a word she slowly curled into him and started crying heart wrenching sobs. Ron tightened his hold on her and put his cheek on her head and let her cry.

Hermione felt so overwhelmed and scared after Ron had helped her out of her panic attack, but even now with the panic attack over she still had those images stuck in her head of that night and they wouldn't leave her. All she kept thinking about was about that night and what Draco had said. She slowly felt a sob build up within her and without a second thought she curled herself into Ron's chest and started crying.

She wished so much she could tell Ron right now, but something kept her from telling him. She didn't want him to be upset that she didn't tell him and she was still scared of what Ron would think of her if she did. She was still scared he would be disgusted or disappointed with her and would never want to be with her. She decided she would continue to keep it to herself for now and continued to cry.

Ron's heart constricted with every sob Hermione had. It hurt him so much to see her cry and know he couldn't do anything about it but be there. All he wanted to do was go find Draco and bloody well kill the wanker. Whatever he said to cause Hermione to have a panic attack like the one in his room must have been bad. If he ever saw Draco alone he was really going to make him regret whatever he did. He knew right now he couldn't though because Hermione needed him and if he did Hermione would kill him. If Hermione knew what he planned to do to Draco she would probably get really hacked off and tell him how irresponsible it was.

Hermione soon stopped crying, but felt she didn't have the energy to get up so she just continued to lay there on his chest and every once in a while would sniffle as Ron rubbed her back. As much as Ron wanted to stay there though he knew he they couldn't because Harry and Ginny would get suspicious if they didn't come back to the compartment.

"Hermione, we should probably go back. Harry and Gin will notice if were gone to long, yeah?" he said gently.

She sniffed one last time and nodded her head in agreement and Ron helped her stand up. She gave him a hug and said thank you before they both left the compartment with Ron quickly shrinking and putting the book back in his robes before Hermione noticed.

When they got back to the compartment Ginny was sleeping and harry was staring resutly out the window. He turned to look at them when he heard them come in and noticed hermione's eye's were rimmed red, "Hey, what took you guys so long?"

"The meeting ran longer than we thought." Ron answered, but looked at Harry to communicate I'll tell you later. Harry nodded his head and looked back out the window.

Hermione leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes, but not before reaching for Ron's hand. She felt him squeeze her hand before she felt herself drift off to sleep.

When Harry saw Hermione's breathing even out and concluded she was asleep he said to Ron in a low voice, "So, what happened? Why does Hermione look like she's been crying?"

"That's because she has." Ron said.

Harry looked at him waiting for him to continue, "It was Draco." Ron said with anger laced in his voice.

Harry looked at him questioningly, "What?"

"During the meeting draco came in late and not long after I noticed Hermione was starting to have one of her attacks, but she managed to get a hold of it." Ron said.

"So you think it was Draco?" Harry questioned.

"Yeah. When we were leaving I was walking back here right, and I turned around to see Hermione looking panicked and Draco walking away from her." Ron finished.

Harry didn't say anything for a second as he tried to think of how Draco could possibly cause Hermione to have one of her attacks, but couldn't think of anything.

"What do you think he did?" harry asked

"Well it was at his house wasn't it? I'm sure he knows what happened from his dad or something. I'm sure he said something to her." Ron finished his eyes blazing with anger.

"Well how bad was it?" Harry questioned.

Ron looked at him grimly and said, "Bad."

Harry kept looking at him waiting for him to continue, "I dragged her into a compartment and it took me ten minutes with Bill's book and then she cried for half an hour." Ron elaborated.

Harry eyes bugged our in surprise with raised eyebrow, "Shit.", was all Harry said.

"Yeah."

After that they didn't speak for the rest of the ride both wondering what Draco had said to Hermione to cause such an attack and during the whole rest of the trip Ron continued to hold Hermione's hand.

Soon the train came lurching to a stop and Hermione eyes slowly opened up as she got up as everyone slowly shuffled out of the train.

oOo

Dinner was very quiet as they watched the sorting and Dumbledore spoke of the hard times ahead of them. Ron kept looking over at the Slytherin table to glare at Draco as Hermione kept staring intently down at her plate that had not been touched while Harry glared down at the table thinking of many different ways to kill or maim Draco.

When dinner was over Ron and Hermione led the first years to their dorms and headed back to the common room. Ron sat next to Harry on the couch and Hermione mumbled, "I think I'm just gonna head up to bed." And without a word she ran up to her dorm.

Ron looked to the direction of the girl's staircase with worry etched in his face.

"She'll be okay Ron." Harry said.

Ron looked over at Harry, "How do you know? She's definitely going to have a nightmare tonight and we're not at the Burrow. Anyone could here her, I'm not able to check on her, Ginny's not in the same room and Bill isn't here." Ron said quickly.

"Ron I understand you're worried, but as weak as Hermione seems right now, she's not. She'll figure out a way to handle it."

Ron sighed and put his head in his hands as he tried to calm down. He really did hope she was going to be okay because so far it didn't seem that way.

Hermione laid in her bed trying to get to sleep, but she just kept hearing noises and even with her curtains closed she felt like her eyes were playing tricks on her. She wished she was at the burrow in Ginny's room- Somewhere familiar. If she were at the Burrow she would be able to walk downstairs and sit on the couch or go outside under the oak tree. Here she couldn't even see Bill, Ron, Harry, or Ginny.

Soon she realized there was no point in trying to sleep and got out of bed to go sit in the common room until she felt tired again. When walking towards the couch she saw Ron and Harry asleep in their favorite plushy chairs right next to the couch. She smiled seeing them there thinking that she should maybe wake them up, but instead she curled up onto the couch and found sleep come to her much more easily.

Ron woke up to feel his neck cramping and to realize he was not lying down. He tried to move his neck and reached up to rub the back of it as he leaned forward. He opened his eyes to see Harry sitting across from him also asleep. They must have fallen asleep last night sitting down here talking. He was about to get up and wake up Harry when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

With some difficulty he turned his head to see Hermione curled up on the couch fast asleep. He walked over and got on his knees beside her to wake her up. He shook her lightly and whispered, "Hermione, Hermione, wake up."

He shook her shoulder again and her eyes fluttered open. She looked up at him with momentary confusion and looked around. She looked back to Ron and said, "What time is it?"

"It's almost time for Breakfast so you better go get ready." Ron said and she nodded her head and wondered up to the girl's dormitory.

Ron walked over to Harry and threw a pillow at him and said, "OI! Get up!" and smacked him on the side of the head. Harry jumped in his seat startled as his glasses fell down his nose and his eyes bugged out in shock at the not to gentle awakening.

Ron chuckled at his friend as Harry started to get up and mumbled "Wanker.", as he stumbled up to the boys dormitory with Ron close behind.

"Now is that anyway to thank a friend who was nice enough to wake you up?" Ron said sarcastically.

"Shut up you ginger prick." Harry replied.

"Now, now midget. We both know I'm not a morning person." Ron replied.

"Whatever." Harry answered moodily as Ron continued to chuckle.


	8. Moving On

**A/N: Alright, so sorry this took so long to update, but I have had so much going on the last couple weeks that I had no time!**

**Anyway for this chapter you guys are either going to love it or hate it, I'm hoping you'll love it though! Please be honest and Review! I want to know what you guys want and what you think so i can keep you reading! Anyway, hope you enjoy and the next chapter should not take this long! Also, thank you to my Beta Maddymomo! You're amazing!**

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><p>Hermione trudged up the stairs to the sixth year's girls dormitory, climbed into bed, and got under the covers. She been back at Hogwarts for a week and Hermione felt it had been dreadful. All week she was jumping at sudden movements and looking over her shoulder. Her arm felt raw from her scratching and she was terrified that someone might see the imperfection of that scar on her. Her lips were stinging and the inside of her lip was bleeding from biting down so hard. She was exhausted from trying to suppress panic attacks all day.<p>

Right now all Hermione wanted to do was sleep. She didn't even bother going to dinner or to study. She knew she should be and she was itching to, but it was Friday and she was so exhausted.

So Hermione lay in her bed, staring at her ceiling trying to find sleep. She couldn't push a thought from her head. It wasn't school or her panic attacks; it was actually something much more pleasant.

All day, Ron was sitting in the back of her mind. For some reason she couldn't get him out of her head. It wasn't like he was making it easy though. They had all their classes together except for her Arithmacy class; he was just being so…. Not Ron.

He was being so considerate to her and was always looking out for her. All week he had walked her to her classes, even though it was probably inconvenient for him. She told him it was unnecessary, but Ron held his ground and refused to budge.

He was always asking her how she was doing and could tell when she wasn't well. Whenever she wasn't, he tried to cheer her up or get her mind off it. He would make sure she was going to meals, but Hermione knew she really wasn't eating. It was actually starting to become a problem, because she was started to have waves of lightheadedness, and she didn't fail to notice how thin she was.

Even though Hermione would like to think Ron was being over protective, she hadn't really kept him from doing any of it. Sure, she would say she wouldn't need his help, but when it came down to it, she never fought back. She liked Ron caring for her; he just knew exactly how to treat her.

It also didn't pass Hermione's notice how much Ron had matured physically. He had grown into his long nose and was starting to fill out after all those years of being awkwardly skinny and tall. She'd found Ron handsome since third year, but with this new found protectiveness it just made it all the more noticeable.

Hermione wasn't sure what to do about this though. She knew Ron liked her; they had kissed. His actions were proving how much he cared for her. The only thing that was holding them back was that Hermione wasn't sure that she could handle it.

Hermione knew that if she started a relationship with Ron that would mean he would expect her to do normal girlfriend things and have a normal girl reaction. Hermione knew that wasn't possible though; she couldn't even keep it together when someone was close to her.

Then there was the secret she was keeping from him. She knew if they dated it would come out, and she couldn't risk that. She knew if he found out now he would be mad. Not only that, but if she told him what had happened then there was no way he would want a relationship with her. She was dirty and no one wants someone who's dirty.

Then there was Lavender. Lavender had suddenly decided that Ron would be the new notch on her headboard and had been trying to get his attention non-stop. Ron, of course, so far had paid her no mind, but Hermione knew if she didn't get over her…. Fear than Ron would eventually get bored and leave her for Lavender.

She just needed to ignore whatever it was that was scaring her so much. Ron wasn't going to hurt her, and she knew that. So why was it anytime he would so much as try to kiss her she could feel her nervous energy build up?

She felt so ridiculous. It had been a month; she just needed to forget about it and act normal. _Act normal_. Hermione almost couldn't remember what it was to be normal anymore though. She was going to have to try if she wanted Ron in her life. Ron was everything to her, without him she would be so much worse than she already was.

As Hermione drifted off to sleep, she decided it was time to forget. It had been a month; in Hermione's mind that was more than enough time to recover, and she was just being ridiculous now. If she just forgot she could be normal again. At least, that's what she hoped.

oOo

Ron was sitting on the couch in Gryffindor common room with Harry, waiting for Hermione to come down the stairs. He could tell she had a bad week; when she drifted off before dinner to go to bed, he couldn't blame her. She was trying so hard to be normal and Ron could tell. As much as he would try to make her be happy, it didn't work and Ron was beginning to feel like she would never be the same. Of course, that didn't change how he felt about her. Ron would always care for Hermione, no matter what.

As he and Harry waited Lavender sauntered over and flipped her hair behind her shoulder, "Hi Ron." She said in her squeaky voice.

"Hi Lavender." Ron said without even glancing at her. She huffed and looked down at him with angry eyes for not giving her proper attention and said, "Are you and Harry going to Breakfast? We could all walk down together."

Ron looked up at her from the couch, "No, sorry, we're waiting for Hermione."

"I'm sure she can find her way to the Great Hall without you two. I mean really, I realize Hermione's been acting strange, but she doesn't need a babysitter. Come on, you guys should walk down with me and Parvati." Lavender looked up at Ron with big blue eyes and her lip sticking out, looking like a lost puppy.

Ron looked down at her again trying his hardest not to tell Lavender to sod off, "No, thanks. I told you we're waiting for Hermione, and I would appreciate if you don't talk about her. You know, we are her friends, in case you forgot."

Lavender looked at Ron, surprised at his outburst, and glared at Ron before she stocked off with Pavarti following close behind.

Finally, Hermione came down the stairs, smiling when she saw Ron and Harry.

"I hope you weren't waiting too long, I woke up a little late this morning." Hermione said.

"Oh no, just a few minutes. It's okay. How are you feeling today?" Ron asked.

Hermione smiled a smile Ron hadn't seen in a long time and said, "I'm feeling pretty good, actually."

Ron felt relief and giddy happiness run through him seeing Hermione actually looking so happy. He really had missed one of her genuine, all out smiles.

"That's great." Ron smiled. "Let's get to breakfast, I'm starving."

With that Ron, Harry, and Hermione went to the Great Hall. All throughout breakfast, Hermione tried her best to keep her attitude up. Though it felt forced sometimes, she kept pushing images away of her capture out of her head- she did feel better. She wasn't thinking and not thinking was helping her a lot.

She purposely sat next to Ron at Breakfast so she could be near him. All through the meal, they talked and Ron was pleased to see Hermione acting like herself. He didn't know what could have possibly happened to make her attitude change so completely, but whatever it was, Ron was happy with it.

After breakfast, they all left the Great Hall to the pitch for Ron and Harry's Quidditch practice. Hermione decided to go along so she wouldn't be alone all day. As they were walking out though, Professor McGonagall stopped Hermione and pulled her aside. Hermione was slightly confused when the elder professor approached her and led her into the side room joining to the Great Hall.

"Is there a problem Professor?"

McGonagall looked nervous for a moment as she looked at Hermione, but her eyes changed to something more sad and in a kind voice McGonagall said, "I just wanted to inform you that I am very well aware of what happened to you this summer and if there is any assistance you need please let me know. As your Head of House, it's my job to watch over the students, and if there is anything at all you need please feel free to approach me."

For a second Hermione was surprised that McGonagall knew what happened over the summer, and then felt very embarrassed because she wasn't sure if McGonagall knew about EVERYTHING that happened.

"Do you k-know everything?" Hermione said carefully.

McGonagall looked at her slightly confused and then a look of recognition fell over her, "Yes, Miss Granger, I know everything." She said gently.

An awkward silence fell between them, and Hermione didn't know what to do for a second. She realized she was biting her lip very hard and absentmindedly scratching her arm. She looked up at the Professor and nodded her head, "Well, I'll let you know if there's anything I need." And Hermione slowly turned to walk out of the room.

As she was reaching for the door knob McGonagall said, "Hermione, am I to understand that certain people do not know all of what happened?" Hermione turned around to see the professor looking at her knowingly and Hermione again just nodded her head.

"Well, I understand, but I must press that it might be relieving to let your emotions go."

"I understand Professor." Hermione said, looking at the ground. She then turned around and headed out of the room. She closed the door behind her and started walking quickly to the pitch. Her breathing felt ragged and her vision was blurred by tears. She quickly wiped her face and balled her fists.

She stopped in the middle of the vacant hallway and looked up at the castle ceiling, breathing in and out slowly trying to get herself together. Slowly, she could feel her panic attack slip away and the tears once falling in defeat were falling now from anger. She gritted her teeth and breathed out heavily.

Why? Why not for one day could this not haunt her? And why could she not just keep it together? Hermione balled her fists harder as she felt more tears come to her eyes, and she roughly swiped at her eyes.

Hermione took another deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to rid herself of any negative emotion and block out all thoughts of what happened over summer.

_I told myself I would stop this, so stop. I need to be strong_. She thought.

Hermione took another deep breath and opened her eyes. She waited a second before continuing to the pitch. Halfway there though she her mind and redirected herself to the library thinking she really didn't feel like sitting at the pitch to sit idly. That gave her too much time to think.

She never headed to Lunch or Dinner, but drowned herself in books. She never realized that she had spent so much time there and when someone came up beside her and shook their hand in her face she jumped.

"I should have known to look here. Where have you been all day?" the familiar voice of Ron asked.

"Here, obviously." Hermione said looking back down at her book.

"You've been here since breakfast?" Ron asked surprised.

"Yes." Hermione said as if he was a small child.

"Alright, come on. Let's go." Ron said as he closed the book in front of her and stacked them up to carry.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Hermione huffed.

"What does it look like I'm doing? We're leaving. You know you've been here for a good eight hours." Ron said, just as agitated.

Hermione actually didn't know how long she had been in the library, but she wasn't going to except defeat.

"I very well know how long I've been in here, Ronald. I was studying." Hermione seethed.

"A little obsessive, don't you think?"

Hermione's jaw dropped. "And what is that supposed to mean. Just because you don't know how to read doesn't mean some of us don't know either!"

"Alright, Hermione. You can kick and scream all you want, but you're leaving. You can't just avoid everything by drowning yourself in studies." Ron said in a much quieter voice.

Hermione's anger quickly dissolved and her eyes drifted to the floor. "Why would you think I'm avoiding something?"

"Well, McGonagall talked to you this morning and I haven't seen you since so she must have told you she knew."

Hermione's eyes shot back to Ron's, "and how would you know she knew?"

"Because Hermione, do you think Bill would send you off here without telling any adult about what happened?" Ron said.

Hermione sighed. "No, of course he wouldn't."

Ron continued to stack her books, "I know you've studied enough, so can we please go back to the common room? You can help me with my Transfiguration's paper if you want."

Hermione looked at him with her arms crossed, sitting in her chair, even know she knew she lost the battle.

Ron smiled seeing Hermione being so stubborn, and he grasped her forearm to pull her up.

"Come on" Ron coaxed.

Hermione went willingly after Ron's warm hand wrapped around her much smaller arm. He left her books forgotten and held firm to her arm all the way to the common room where they sat down and did Ron's essay.

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked after being in the common room for a while.

Ron looked up from writing his conclusion and said, "Oh, he's in Dumbledore's office doing one of their meeting things."

"Oh." Was all Hermione said and Ron finished up his conclusion.

Ron let out a breath and rolled up his parchment, "Thank gods I finished that." And he proceeded to put it in his bag. He started to get up and said, "I think I'm going to head up to bed. We had a long practice."

From some reason Hermione really wanted to spend some more time with Ron. She really wished she could have spent more time with him today, and she did promise herself it was time to forget, which meant it was time to show Ron that she actually had feelings for him.

"I'm not really tired. Do you want to wait for Harry with me?" Hermione said quickly trying to get to the point.

Ron looked at Hermione for a second wondering why she seemed so jumpy when she was fine not a second ago and said, "Uhm, yeah, sure."

She decided to get up and moved towards the couches near the fireplace and sat down with Ron plopping down right next to her. Both not knowing what to do, they sat staring at the dying fire for a while, waiting for the other to say something.

At this point, Hermione really wished she knew how to flirt or that Ron would actually do something. She just wanted to forget and for some reason she thought Ron would be the answer. It wasn't like she wanted anything sexual with him… well, at least, not yet. She just wanted what her and Ron had and a little more.

For some reason, Hermione felt the need to tell Ron how grateful she was for him. For everything he'd done for her, because it was way more than she deserved. She couldn't even find the guts to tell Ron what happened that night, even know he was the one mostly picking up the pieces. He could also do so much better than her. There was nothing special about Hermione, and she had always thought Ron deserved a gorgeous girl who liked Quidditch and played chess.

Just then Hermione finally had the courage to say what was on her mind, "Thank you."

Ron looked over at her confused, "What?"

"Thank you. Thank you for being there for everything. I mean, I really don't know how I would be right now if it wasn't for you and your family."

Ron looked at Hermione confused and wondering what brought her on to saying all this, "Hermione, like Bill said, you're family and that's what you do for family." Ron didn't know why Hermione was bringing this up, and it was odd for her to be talking so openly like this without causing an attack. He watched her carefully, waiting for her to respond.

She had her chestnut curls tucked behind her ear, and she was staring into the fire like she was thinking about something really hard. She had her brow furrowed like she always did when she was thinking about something, and Ron couldn't help but think about how adorable she was when she was trying to piece her words together.

She continued to look into the fire as she spoke, "But you don't do it because I'm like family, do you?" Hermione questioned.

For a second Ron wasn't sure what to say as he stared at her with wide eyes. Where was this coming from? He was so confused; and slowly turning red knowing what Hermione was insinuating. She looked up into his eyes waiting for a response and she was trying so hard to not shy away from him. She needed someone like Ron, and she can't let someone like Lavender have him.

Ron thought the best route to go was telling the truth, knowing Hermione could see straight through him when he lied. "Uhm, No. You're right. It's not 'cause you're family." He said matter-a-factly tone.

Hermione kept staring into his eyes, but finally turned her head back to the fire nodding her acknowledgment of what Ron had said.

"I don't think of you as family." Hermione said. "At least, not the same way I think of Harry as family."

Ron kept looking at Hermione as she stared into the fire, wondering why she was telling him this. I mean, he was happy to know she somewhat felt the same way for him, but Ron kept questioning what brought this on.

"Hermione?" she looked over at him again her eyes, looking vulnerable.

"Why are you telling me this?" Ron asked gently.

Ron noticed Hermione take a deep breath, and her eyes dart around in front of her like she was searching for what to say.

"I-I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me and that… I-I don't think of you like Bill or Harry. You're something far more important." Hermione raised her eyes to look at Ron to see if he understood what she was getting at, and she saw the understanding in his eyes.

They continued staring until Ron found his voice.

"I don't think of you as family either."

Ron was pretty sure where Hermione was going, but didn't know why she would bring this up now. She had seemed so jumpy whenever he tried to touch her before that he had started to think better of courting her. Now, all the sudden, it seemed as if Hermione really wanted it; and since it was Hermione, Ron wanted nothing more than to have her.

Hermione was looking at Ron, trying to decide what to say. She was feeling her anxiety rise with all the anticipation. Ron saying he felt the same way for her put some ease to her, but she wanted Ron. All previous thoughts of the night before about not wanting a relationship were gone. She wanted Ron to hug her- not because she was crying. She wanted Ron to hold her hand- not because she was having a panic attack, but because he wanted too. She wanted Ron to look at her and not look for signs that something was wrong. She just wanted Ron to be the way he was, but not because something was wrong with her.

All these thoughts kept spinning through her head as Ron looked at her and she felt frustration and sadness with herself rise up in tears. She tried to hold them back, but she was finding it difficult to keep them concealed. This only made her more frustrated resulting in more tears.

_Why? Why am I so emotional? I used to be normal. Why can't I be normal?_

Ron was looking at Hermione as tears started to appear in her eyes making Ron confused. Hermione could see the look of concern in his eyes as he wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Why are you crying?" Ron asked as he rubbed his hand on her cheek.

She jumped a little at the contact, not expecting it, but continued to let him rub her cheek. She expected it to feel uncomfortable or unwanted, but all she felt was cared for. She never really felt cared for anymore and this only made her want Ron more.

She opened her mouth to say everything on her mind, but she couldn't for some reason and she just ended up crying more. Ron leaned back on the couch bringing Hermione with her to lean on his chest and he rubbed her hair, waiting for the tears to stop. This had become something like second nature to Ron since the beginning of the term and something others would never think Ron would do or that he would be awkward, but it was as easy as breathing to him now.

Hermione gripped on to Ron's shirt as she continued to try and suppress more tears. She didn't want to cry. She didn't even know why she was crying. All the frustration, confusion, and crying was making it hard for her to control herself, and she felt a panic attack slowly creep up on her. She concentrated hard on getting her breathing to even out and soon the panic attack had subsided and she had been concentrating so hard on breathing that she had been able to stop crying too. Even though she was feeling better she stayed curled up with Ron reveling in the feel of him holding her and his caring nature that he only shared with her.

She had, at some point during her crying and panic attack, grabbed Ron's hand to hold. Looking at her hands intertwined with his gave her courage to say what she had wanted to say for the duration for the whole conversation.

"Ron, I don't want to be friends anymore." She said into his chest.

For a moment Ron was confused and felt himself stiffen at the statement as he put his chin on top of her head, but thinking back to their prior conversation Ron caught on to what she meant and tried to think of what to say.

Ron instead just nodded his head in agreement and squeezed Hermione's hand so she knew he felt the same. She looked up at him with her eyes still glossy from crying.

"We don't have to be friends." Ron said and he kissed her forehead. Hermione looked back up at him and nodded her head with a smile tugging her lips and she leaned her head back down onto his shoulder in contentment.

For Hermione, this was the first time she had been happy in a long time. She loved feeling wanted and cared for. She felt like Ron was the only person she could feel this comfortable with. She couldn't imagine with anyone other than Bill letting them get this close to her. With Ron though it was different, maybe it was because she had let Ron see her broken or maybe because of her feelings for him, but she felt like she could let her guard down in front of Ron without him hurting her.

Hermione's thoughts kept swirling around her head until she slowly drift off to sleep.

Ron heard as Hermione's breath evened out and he held her closer. Ron was trying so hard not to jump out in excitement. He never thought in a million years that Hermione would open up to him like this from the state she had been in recently. He didn't mind taking care of her or holding her when she was upset, but it was so much better to hold her because he could. He didn't care if this was all they could ever do; it felt nice to hold her. For her to trust him so much, considering how little she seemed to trust people with herself.

Someone coming through the portrait hole stopped his thoughts and the messy black hair of Harry appeared next to him.

"Hey how was your meeting?"

Harry shrugged, "Informative and exhausting." He answered simply as he sat down next to him.

"She okay?" Harry nodded towards Hermione.

"Yeah, she just fell asleep."

"She seems comfortable. You going to wake her up to go to bed?"

Ron thought about it for a second, "Nah. I think I'll stay here."

Harry nodded and started to get up to go to the dorms. Ron thought he should probably tell Harry about him and Hermione before he found out from someone else, He also thought it would be a lot less awkward for him to just tell Harry instead of him and Hermione. So before Harry reached the staircase Ron yelled for Harry just loud enough as to not wake Hermione, "Hey Harry!"

Harry turned to look at him waiting for him to respond.

"I think me and Hermione are more than friends now."

Harry raised his eyebrows and smiled and chuckled softly.

"That's great Ron." Harry said.

"Why is that funny?" Ron asked

"No reason." Harry replied before he headed up the stairs to the boys dorms.

Ron looked up towards the stairs than back down at Hermione. He smiled and got more comfortable before falling asleep with Hermione in his arms.

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><p><strong>Yeah, I know. Don't worry, Hermione isn't all better now. It's going to take time, but she feels like she needs Ron and she feels this is the only way she can have him. Please Review! Honest opinion!<strong>


	9. What aren't you telling me?

**N/A: ****Hey guys, sorry this took so long to get out, but I've been super busy. Anyway, I'm almost done chapter 10 so you can look forward to seeing that very soon. I'm not really to happy with this chapter, but this is kind of a transition chapter. Everything from here on is going to be pretty heavy and definitely more M material. So that's just a heads up. Well i hope you like the chapter, i cannot express to you how hard it was to write.**

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><p>Ron had just finished Quidditch practice and was getting dressed in the locker room when Harry came up next to him and gave him a pat on the back, "Great practice mate; only missed one bludger. It was very impressive."<p>

Ron smiled and put away his Keeper gear into the bin where they kept the equipment. "Cheers, mate."

Harry and Ron left the dressing room towards the castle in comfortable silence when Harry spoke, "So, how's things with Hermione?"

It had been three days since Ron and Hermione had started dating, and so far Ron thought things had been going well. He and Hermione spent almost all their spare time together, and Ron noticed Hermione seemed a little better. Well… a little bit better.

Ron was a little worried because heir relationship was fine, but he felt like something was wrong. He just had this nagging feeling that Hermione was keeping something from him.

He tried not to dwell on it though because he knew Hermione wouldn't lie to him. She couldn't. Anyway, Ron thought it was just him being insecure. So, he decided to ignore the feeling. She wouldn't lie to him, and he had to trust her.

Ron opened the castle door for himself and said "It's good. I'll probably get her from the library though. She went before practice, and I know she's still there."

Harry chuckled and said, "You're probably right there, mate." And walked off toward the great hall.

Ron started walking toward the library when he spotted Draco just in front of him. He had yet to forget about the train incident with Hermione and was thinking that this _empty_ corridor would be a perfect place to talk to Draco.

Ron walked up behind Draco quietly to make sure he wouldn't be heard and looked around the hallway one last time to make sure no one was there before he grabbed the back of Draco's neck and pinned him against the wall.

Draco let out a grunt and struggled a little and said, "What the hell are you doing, Weasel?"

Ron pushed Draco farther into the wall and in a low voice Ron said to Draco, "Look, Ferret, Don't you bloody talk to, look at, or even so much as go near Hermione or I swear I will beat the bloody shite out of you so badly that you'll be a permanent patient at St. Mungo's."

Oddly, Ron heard Draco laugh, which only made him angry and had Ron gripping at Draco harder, "And what makes you think I did or said anything to Hermione, Weasely?"

"I saw you walking away from her when she had that melt down on the train. You may think I'm thick Draco, but I'm not that thick."

"I only asked her how her summer was." Draco said, smirking at Ron cockily.

Ron felt his anger begin to flow through him as he cheeks heated. When he felt Draco chuckle again, he spun him around to punch him in the stomach.

"Leave her the fuck alone." Ron spat.

"Is this a sore subject for you, Weasel? Don't like thinking that good little Hermione Granger isn't so innocent anymore?" Draco looked up at Ron to wait for a response, but all Ron did was stare at Draco in confusion.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ron asked.

Draco stopped clutching his stomach and stood a little straighter,

"What?" Draco kept looking at Ron until he realized Ron wasn't following what he said.

"Are you to telling me you don't know what happened?" Draco waited again to see Ron's anger had completely disappeared with a look of confusion.

"What the hell are you on about?"

"You don't know?" Draco drawled out with a smile as he saw Ron getting growing angry again. Draco laughed loudly and keeled over before standing straight again.

"Well, it looks like you don't know everything about our little bookworm after all." Draco smiled and turned around to walk away.

Ron stood motionless and confused at what Draco had just said. _What does he mean she's not as innocent as she used to be?_ Ron could really only think of one thing and it made him feel sick thinking about it. HE couldn't believe it though. Hermione wouldn't hide this. How could she?

Ron stood in the middle of the corridor, having a battle in his head. There was no way that something like that could have happened. Someone would have known, like Bill. Bill wouldn't hide that from him. They were taking care of Hermione together.

Ron really wasn't sure what to do though. So, without putting too much thought into it, he went to the library to meet Hermione like before.

Ron walked in and spotted her at the table she always sat at, pouring over a book. He smiled to himself, loving how he knew her so well-or so he thought. She was looking pretty thin. Ron tried to remind himself to make sure she started eating more.

He sat down next to her, and she looked up at him and smiled before looking back down at her book.

"Dinner starts soon." Ron said.

"I don't think I'm going. I'm not hungry much, and I really want to finish this research for Potions."

"Hermione." Ron said, slightly exasperated.

"I'm fine." She stated plainly without looking at him.

"Hermione, please. I haven't seen you all day. Can you please come to dinner?" Ron waited for her to look up, and he gave her his best pleading eyes. She tried not to smile but couldn't help herself.

"Fine, but don't think that look will always work." She said, losing the smile.

"Whatever are you talking about, Ms. Granger?" Ron said teasingly.

"Ron, stop calling me that!" Hermione laughed.

"Calling you what?" Ron asked with mock confusion.

"Ronald, sometimes I think you'll drive me completely mad."

"Maybe." Ron stated as he picked up her bag to walk down to dinner.

They walked down to the great hall holding hands-which Hermione had no objection about. It was comforting for her to hold his hand; she marveled at how big his hands were to hers and felt just a little bit more protected holding his hand-like just holding his hand kept her from harm. In a way, it reminded her of Bill. Whenever Bill was around she felt like she had a body guard there just for her; and it felt nice.

Thinking of Bill reminded her how much she had missed her loving body guard; she decided she'd owl him later on.

"I wonder what Bill is doing." Hermione said.

Ron looked over at her, "I don't know. Probably at fine Gringott's or something."

He looked at her and smiled comfortingly, knowing she probably missed him like mad. Sometimes it bothered Ron how much she talked about Bill, but he knew that without Bill things would be worse for Hermione, so he tried not to let it bother them.

They walked into the Great Hall and sat down with Harry sitting across from them. Ron started piling food on his plate while Hermione picked at an apple. Ron looked over at Hermione and her lack of food and started making her a plate.

"Ron, seriously, one plate is enough. You don't want to hurt yourself."

Ron chuckled and continued filling the food with plate, "Hermione, love, this is for you. You have got to eat something."

Hermione sighed and let him continue, knowing it was a losing battle. She hated eating. She just felt she didn't deserve it; and she was always guilt ridden from not telling Ron what happened. Then thoughts of it happening would flood her head. It always left her without appetite, she would tell Ron, but then she would have to come out with her secret-which could not and would not happen.

Ron set the plate of food in front of her, and she stared at it in disgust. Ron watched her, waiting for her to eat; and when all she did was stare at the plate, he nudged her a little.

"Come on, you must be hungry. I know for a fact you haven't eaten today."

Hermione looked up at him and back at the plate. She heaved a sigh and picked up her fork to eat. As she was about to take a bite she quickly said, "So, guys, how was practice?"

Soon Ron and Harry were animatedly talking about Quidditch practice and Hermione's plate of food was left forgotten. She _evanesco-ed_ most of the food to make it look like she ate most of it while Harry and Ron continued to chatter about Quidditch.

After a few minutes Ron and Harry finished, and they all left the great hall together to go back to the Common Room. Harry had gone to bed, which left Hermione and Ron alone in the common room.

Ron sat down on the couch in front of the fire; Hermione sat down next to him. Not sure what either should do, they both stared at the fire in silence-both lost in thought.

Hermione couldn't help feeling guilty about not telling Ron. Lately, it was all she could think about. She couldn't eat, sleep, or really even look at him without it popping up in her head. She just wanted it to disappear.

Before she really registered what she was doing, she had turned herself towards Ron and kissed him hard. She felt him tense up at first, surprised by her attack, but relaxed into it quickly. She nipped at his bottom lip, and Ron put his hands on either side of her hips, but as Ron held her she kept having flashbacks of Greyback, and it was taking all her strength to put the images in the back of her head. She had to remember that this was Ron.

She felt him lift her onto his lap, and she put her hands on either side of his face. To try to block out images, she started to kiss him harder and more desperately; and soon they were battling each other with each other for dominance.

Ron was slightly surprised by Hermione's enthusiasm. He hadn't even tried to kiss her since the hospital, knowing she really wasn't for anything like that. Now, all the sudden she just attacked him. Though he couldn't complain, it felt so bloody good to kiss Hermione. He was finding himself having difficulty controlling himself with her, but he could feel how nervous she was. Her hands that layed on his shoulder's shook slightly and her body was tensed, but Ron was determined that she would enjoy this.

Ron pulled away and started to kiss down to her neck to help her relax and, to his delighted surprise, she had bent her neck to give him more access. He left feather light kisses all up and down her neck and she sighed in contentment. Ron slowly made his way back to her mouth and kissed her soft lips, deciding to be a little more gentle.

Soon Ron had lost his desperation and had started to kiss her slowly as he massaged her cheek with the pad of his thumb, leaving gentle kisses on her mouth.

He tried kissing her like the most delicate thing he ever held, just so she knew how beautiful she was to him; and soon Hermione felt herself melt into him. All her thoughts of Greyback were gone when Ron's hand slowly combed through her hair to rest on her shoulder. He used the tip of his tongue to gently lick the fullness of her bottom lip and nipped at it gently.

Before she knew it she had her own hands running through his hair to hold onto the back of his neck, and Ron couldn't control moaning into her mouth.

Before Ron saw it coming, she had pulled away quickly; and he saw a slightly panicked look on her face before she burrowed herself into his neck and grabbed him tight around his middle. Ron was confused at first, but he soon wrapped his own arms around her and rubbed her back as she contently stayed on his lap.

Hermione, again had felt ridiculous. Ron moaning had reminded her of Greyback moaning on top of her, and, before she knew it, she was panicking and holding onto Ron for dear life.

To calm herself down she breathed in the comforting smell of him and nuzzled closer to the safety of his arms. There really was no explaining the comfort she found in his scent other than the fact it always made her feel wonderful and safe.

Ron was feeling a slight bit frustrated that he had this beautiful girl on his lap and couldn't even kiss her; he laid his head on the back of the couch and close his eyes while he heaved a sigh. The warmth of the fire was making him feel a bit drowsy, and he was trying his best to stay awake in case Hermione fell asleep, and he had to carry her to bed.

He felt her breath on his chest as she hugged him tight, and he rubbed her back in a rhythmic motion.

"You know I would never hurt you." Hermione said into his chest.

Ron Lifted his head and looked down at her with his eyebrows knitted together, "yeah of course."

"Or ever want to lie to you?" she said looking up into his deep cobalt eyes.

"Hermione is there something you want to tell me?" Ron asked, sitting up a little as she sat up on his lap, looking down at her hands.

"N-no. I just- I want you to trust me. Do you trust me?" She looked up from her hands and bit down on her lip while she waited for him to respond.

"Yeah…. Of course." Ron said quietly.

Hermione nodded her head and leaned forward onto his chest; he tangled his hand in her chestnut curls. He felt her slowly fall asleep in his arms and used the time to think.

At this point, he was definitely aware that Hermione was hiding something from him, and it was obviously something major. He was letting his mind wonder, and his thoughts became tangled with his self-conscious insecurities.

What was it that she couldn't trust him enough to know? Why was she keeping it a secret? Ron nudged Hermione awake, realizing he was letting his mind loose for too long.

"Come on, Love. You feel asleep." Ron watched as she slowly opened her eyes and tried to nuzzle back into his chest.

Ron chuckled a little and tried nudging her again.

"Come on, Hermione. You need to sleep."

She moaned and put her arms around his neck. Ron noticed that she was still mostly asleep and was about to stand up to carry her, when he heard her mumble something in her dazed state.

"What was that?" Ron whispered.

"Ron don't …leave m-me. I'm dirty." He heard her mumble again.

Ron froze where he was. _Why would she say that?_ He felt so confused. He kept having these horrible scenarios in his head everytime he thought about what Draco had said earlier. He really cared for Hermione-to even think about something like that made him feel sick.

He shook Hermione a little harder until she opened her eyes dazedly.

"Hermione!" Ron said loudly.

She sat up surprised and saw panic in his eyes and she looked around.

"What's happened?" She looked back at Ron to see him have the same expression and waited for him to say something.

"Why do you think I'm going to leave you? Why are you dirty?" Ron said hurriedly.

"W-What? What are you talking about?" Hermione said nervously with her eyes bulging out.

"You keep saying stuff in your sleep about me leaving you because you're dirty. What does that mean?"

"Nothing. I'm just dreaming Ron. It's nothing." Hermione said quickly.

Ron narrowed his eyes at her. "Hermione, I know it's not nothing."

She looked down and started itching her scar. _Why? Why was she talking in her sleep? She couldn't tell him. She just couldn't_

"Please Ron. Just drop it. Please ."

Ron grabbed her wrist so she would stop scratching herself, and she looked up at him surprised.

"Hermione, I know it's not nothing. It has something to do with Malfoy Manor, doesn't it? Draco said something to me about it today. Hermione, tell me." Ron said anger rising in his voice. Why would she not tell him?

Hermione started to feel panic, and she felt she couldn't even talk. She couldn't tell him. He would never care for her if he knew.

"Ron, I-I can't" Hermione managed to say.

"Alright then." Ron said; he stood up and started walking away.

"Ron. Ron! Where are you going?" Hermione started panicking and stood up.

"I don't like secrets." Was all he said as he left the common room.

"Ron, please. Don't leave. Please, don't leave me." Hermione couldn't help but let the tears fall out of her eyes, and she felt herself feel the beginning of a panic attack._He couldn't leave. Please no._

"Hermione, there's something you're not telling me and I've done everything for you. I've done everything and you can't even be bloody truthful with me. I-I'm sorry. I can't do this." And with that he walked upstairs, leaving a distraught Hermione behind.

Before she knew it she was curled up in a ball on the ground shaking._left me, he left me, he left me. I'm useless._

Ron walked into his dorm room shaking with sadness and anger. He felt horrible for leaving Hermione like that, but he was so upset. How could she? How could she lie to him so easily?

Ron couldn't sleep with all the pent up anger he had within him, instead he wrote a letter.

_Dear Bill,_

_What aren't you telling me? Respond quickly._

_Ron_

Ron called Pig over and attached it to his leg. He sat there for a while, looking out towards Hogwarts grounds, until he felt his eyes finally grow heavy from sleep.

He crawled into his bed still fully clothed and fell into a restless sleep with only Hermione left in his thoughts.

Down the stairs, Hermione was even worse off…


	10. She Needs Me

It was hours later when Hermione finally picked herself up off the ground and started heading back to the girl's dormitory. She lay in a ball crying softly, trying to convince herself that everything that had just happened wasn't real.

He promised. That's what she kept repeating through her head. He promised he would never leave, and he left her broken on the ground. She felt empty and shallow as she dragged herself up to the bathroom to splash some water on her face.

As she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, she mechanically walked to the sink and turned on the faucet, splashing her face with cold water. The water stung her skin, but she didn't care. She couldn't feel it. She kept splashing her face with cold water over and over again, trying to feel something. She clutched her hands to either side of the sink before turning off the faucet. She shivered slightly as she hugged herself around her middle.

She straightened up and looked ahead to find herself staring at her own reflection. She barely recognized the girl staring back at her. She was used to seeing a broken frail girl when she looked in the mirror, but this was somehow looked different.

Her face was gaunt and her lips looked chewed. Her hair though, still big and frizzy, although it seemed to lack some of its volume and natural luster. Her eyes that used to be warm chocolaty brown, filled with so much life, and were now a dull lifeless color.

As she looked at this girl, crying and broken she started to feel angry at the mirror. How could she be this girl? Ron left this girl, this disgusting, useless, lying whore. That's all she felt like, and that's what the girl looked like in the mirror.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! GO AWAY!" she kept screaming that at the girl in the mirror as she pulled at her hair, trying to get this horrible girl to go away. She was clutching on either side of her head with her eyes shut hoping that when she opened her eyes that girl in the mirror wouldn't be there.

She opened her eyes to the same image and picked up her bag off the ground filled with heavy books, throwing it at the mirror.

She watched as the mirror shatter, and shards of glass clattered into the sink and the floor of the girl's bathroom. She stood there, staring at the broken mirror, actually feeling relieved that she couldn't see the image that kept haunting her eyes.

She felt her legs give out under her as she looked at the tiny pieces of glass that littered the floor around her. As she fell she felt the glass dig into the skin of her knees, she stared at the floor. Each piece glittered in the sunlight that came in through the windows, high on the ceiling, and reflected odd patterns around her making the room glitter with multicolored patterns. In a weird way, Hermione found it to be quite beautiful, seeing each piece reflect different multicolored patterns throughout the room.

She picked up a piece and held it out in front of her and moved it around in the sunlight to watch the colors. It reflected and then she moved the piece in front of her to look at herself in the little jagged piece, hoping to maybe see the same beauty, but the same lifeless girl looked back at her and Hermione felt like nothing. She didn't have Ron, and she never would. She could never tell Ron what happened. Never. She would rather be the miserable person she was than to tell Ron that she was a used, good for nothing, anxiety suffering, slag.

Why would he want me anyway? I'm too much baggage. Who would want to deal with me?

She was still clutching the glass in her hand as she felt it cut through the flesh of her palm. It stung, but she didn't care, at least she was feeling something.

She kept looking at the piece of glass as if she should do something with it when she slowly brought the glass up to her upper thigh and without thinking she dragged it across her skin. She watched as a thin red line appeared and started dripping blood.

And she did it again, and again and again. She felt the tears in her eyes dry up as she concentrated on this one thing. Feeling. She felt like she hadn't felt anything since Malfoy Manor. It was something else to concentrate on. Pain.

She felt pain, and it was something she was so used to feeling it almost felt like a comfort. It felt like home. Her mind felt frozen and empty, so she just stared off until she stood up with her hand still grasping the shard of glass. She slowly loosened her grasp on the glass, and it clattered to the ground as she fisted her hand to stop the bleeding.

The clattering of the glass brought her out of her thoughts, and she heard footsteps and voices approaching her.

Panicking slightly, she pulled down her skirt a little to cover the cuts and picked up her bag. She was just about to walk out the door when she saw how bloody her hand was. So, before she left, she washed it in one of the other sinks.

She quietly walked her way back to her dorm, hoping that she wouldn't see anyone on her way there. She knew that by now everyone was getting ready and leaving for breakfast, so she decided to get ready for the day head of her.

She walked to the Prefect's bathroom and took a scolding hot shower, letting the water poor over her skin. She watched as the blood from her leg dripped onto the shower floor and flowed into the drain. She scrubbed her skin raw as she did every time she took shower. She had started to take fewer showers since term started, not wanting to bring any unwanted attention, but when she did, she always scrubbed her skin until it blistered red.

She stood in the shower for a long time, collecting her thoughts. What did Ron mean when he'd said that Draco had said something to him? Ron and Draco hated each other, so why would Draco say something to Ron? Unless Ron knew Draco was messing with her and decided to confront him. But how would Ron know that? She didn't think she told him that.

She turned off the faucet and started to dry off, using her wand, and eventually she did three drying charms to get her hair dry. As she stood there, she thought about why Ron had left. It was all because he heard her talking in her sleep. She felt so stupid; she couldn't even keep her nightmares to herself anymore. How pathetic.

She got dressed and made sure her skirt came down to her knees to cover the cuts before leaving the bathroom. She was worried someone might see them considering it was very low on her leg and that if she didn't make sure her skirt was down people would see. She was pulling her skirt down again as she left the bathroom when she ran into someone with violent red hair. She managed to gain her balance when she looked up to see Ginny looking back at her.

"Sorry Hermione, I didn't see you there. Why are you up so early?"

"Oh, uhm, couldn't sleep I guess." Was all Hermione could come up with. She really didn't feel like telling Ginny about her and Ron's fight, knowing she would want to know every detail and then Ginny would question her about what was bothering her and it all just seemed to exhausting.

Ginny raised her eyebrows and said, "Okay… you wanna go get some breakfast?"

Hermione contemplated for a second before she decided against it, knowing she really wasn't feeling all that hungry after what happened earlier, and that she wasn't ready to face Ron just yet.

"N-no. I need to get some studying done before class starts. I'll see you later." Hermione then waved Ginny off and rushed the other way without saying another word. Ginny watched as Hermione sped off towards the library in confusion, wondering about her even odder behavior than usual.

Ginny started walking to the Great Hall again thinking she could just ask Ron what was up with Hermione and when she got to the table all she saw was Harry there.

"Hi Harry." Ginny said sitting down across from him at the table.

"Hey Gin." Harry said while in the middle of chewing his breakfast to only look back down and continue eating. Harry wasn't really much of a talker in the mornings, especially if he had a meeting with Dumbledore the night before.

"Where's Ron?" Ginny asked as she looked around the Great Hall for her brother.

"He got in a fight with Hermione so he said he didn't want to go down to breakfast."

"What? What about?" Ginny asked curiously.

"I don't know. I didn't ask. I guess that's why Hermione isn't here either then." Harry asked like he was completely oblivious to the situation at hand.

"Wow" was all Ginny said.

"What?" Harry asked still completely clueless.

"Nothing, you're just truly amazing." And with that Ginny ended the conversation and thought it would probably be best if she went to find Hermione and find out what actually happened, since Harry was completely hopeless.

Ginny found it very curious that they had gotten into a fight, since it had been ages since they had had one. So, without further contemplation, she got up from the table and started to head off and find Hermione.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Harry shouted after her.

"Going to do what you obviously cannot in your state." Ginny shouted back and left the Great Hall.

Ginny just about ran to the library to find Hermione, but when she got there and looked around there was no Hermione. This stuck Ginny as odd.

Ginny really was curious as to what they fought about, and she really wanted to talk to Ron. Ginny knew Ron wouldn't just leave Hermione; he was so protective over her. So why? Why did they get in a fight?

Sooner than she thought, she was standing in front of the 6th year girls dorm. When she came in she found Hermione laying down with a book propped up on her lap and Ginny noticed that Hermione didn't seem to realize she had walked in, so before she scared Hermione thought she should say something instead of just standing there.

"Hi" was all Ginny could come up with.

Hermione jumped slightly and looked up, but then looked back down.

"Hi." Hermione said plainly.

It was silent for a few seconds as Ginny tried to think of something else to say. Knowing Hermione probably knew why she was there though she thought she might as well just come out with it.

"Harry told me you and Ron got in a fight."

"I guess we did." Was all Hermione said.

Ginny stood there staring at Hermione in disbelief and frustration. Why was she acting like this?

"Hermione!" Ginny said as she waved her hands out trying to get Hermione's attention.

When Hermione looked up Ginny was surprised to see Hermione looking almost angry, like Ginny was being a nuisance.

"Hermione, what is going on with you?" Ginny pleaded with Hermione.

At that moment Hermione stood up and slammed her book on her bed.

"Ginny, get out."

"What?"

"Get out. Get out of my room. Get out!"

"Hermi-"

"Ginny, get out right now or I'll get my wand."

Ginny stood there in complete shocked, wondering if she should really leave Hermione on her own or not. By the look on Hermione's face she thought it would be better just to leave. So Ginny walked towards the door and was about to walk out before she thought better of it and stopped to say,

"Hermione, I don't know what's wrong with you or why you keep pushing everyone away, but it's not fair. Whatever it is you're hiding, we deserve to know."

And with that Ginny left the room and closed the door behind her. Ginny was so confused and kind of angry. What was going on with her? All she did now was keep to herself, and you could tell the toll it was taking on her. She looked so worn down and sad- maybe it wasn't even sadness, because to Ginny the look in her eyes was so unfamiliar, and she didn't know what to make of it. It scared her not to know.

She was walking by the boys dorms when she stopped and decided maybe she should talk to Ron. So, she walked up to the 6th year's boys dorm and knocked on the door. She waited a few seconds and when she got no answer she knocked again.

"Ron. Ron, it's Ginny. Let me in, I need to speak with you." She waited another few seconds until she heard footsteps through the door and seconds later she was face to face with Ron.

She could tell he was upset about something. Being his sister for all her life and them being the closest to each other made it really easy for Ginny to read Ron and right now she could tell something was bothering him.

"Ron, Harry told me you and Hermione got in a fight. What happened?"

Ron looked at Ginny for a second and, realizing he wouldn't be able to get rid of her and she was already late for classes, he moved out of the doorway to signal her to come in.

Without meeting her eye he said, "I don't feel like talking about it. Why don't you go ask her? You're girls, I'm sure you'll gossip about it all day."

"Ron, Hermione doesn't gossip, and besides - I'm asking you, not her." She walked into the room and sat on Harry's bed, waiting for Ron to start talking.

"Anyways, I already tried that, and she kicked me out of her room." Ginny added.

At that Ron looked up at her curiously and Ginny said, "It doesn't matter, I came here to see you and ask you what happened. So tell me, what happened?" Ginny sat and waited patiently for Ron to respond, but he was staring hard at the ground, looking like he was thinking very hard. Ginny waited patiently for Ron to respond, but there was no use, he continues to stare off as if she never said anything.

"Ron." She waited. Nothing.

"Ron!" From Ginny, raising her voice. It finally got Ron's attention, and he looked up at her.

"She lied to me." Was all he said as he looked away.

"Okay… Is that why you got in a fight? What did she lie to you about?"

Without looking up Ron responded as he rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head with a look of sadness that Ginny couldn't place "I don't know. That's just it- Ginny, I don't know what she lied about, but I know she's not telling me something."

Ginny knew Hermione had been keeping a secret since she had come to her house and it was driving Ginny mad to know Hermione hadn't told anyone. Ginny had come up with her own ideas of what it was, but anything she came up with she felt Hermione would tell her or she knew it couldn't possibly be kept a secret. Her family would know and Hermione would have told Ginny. Wouldn't she?

"Ron, I'm sure it isn't any-"

That's when Ron looked up, "But it is. Whatever she isn't telling me must be bad. I just-"

Ron paused as he ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face. Ginny watched as he took a deep breath and started bouncing his leg like he always did when he was nervous or worried.

"Ginny, I just knowit was something horrible, and it kills me to know she won't tell me."

"Ron, you need to talk to her and find out what it is."

"I've tried. She won't talk to me."

"I realize you're hurt that she lied to you, but Ron, you don't know what she's hiding and she may need you. I know you want to be upset with her, but considering everything that's happened and how much she relies on you, you need to talk to her."

Ron took a deep breath and nodded his head in acknowledgment. He knew he needed to talk to her. He knew she needed him. He knew all the stuff Ginny was saying, but he felt so stupid for walking away from her. He was also scared she wouldn't want to talk to him and that was the last thing he wanted.

As he sat and contemplated his thoughts he heard Ginny get up and leave Ron to think. After a while, he decided he needed to talk to Hermione. There was no other way to fix this other than to talk to her.

He cared about Hermione so much and he hated not being there for her. He hated being in a fight with her. He just knew that whatever it was that was going on he needed to see Hermione.

She needs me. Was what kept reverberating in his head since he left needs me and I'm not there.


	11. The Game

**A/N-Hey Guys! I am sorry it has taken me so dreadfully long to update! I have been so busy with testing, school, and other things. I had some pretty cool things happen to me though! I got to meet Ed Sheeran, twice! It was amazing and he was super nice! This chapter hasn't been beta-ed so please bare with me! I just really wanted to get this chapter out because a few people have been telling me how much they want a new one! It's shorter than the others, but i will update soon, so do not worry! Thanks and i hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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><p>Hermione had woken up slowly not wanting to face the day. She and Ron were still not talking and it had been a week. He really had tried to talk to her, but every time she would just find a way to ignore him. She wanted to be with him desperately, but she felt she couldn't.<p>

Ron had every right to be upset with her that night in the common room. She had been lying to him and she felt if she couldn't be honest with him she shouldn't even bother being with him. He just couldn't find out what happened. He couldn't.

Ginny had tried a few times to approach her on the issue, each time she just told Ginny there was nothing to talk about and because of this Ginny really wasn't talking to her. The only person she was talking to was Harry.

He didn't really like the fact that Hermione and Ron weren't talking but he didn't really speak about it. He knew Hermione wouldn't want to discuss it and if he tried she would just run away like she did with Ginny and Ron.

Hermione appreciated the fact that Harry respected her enough not to bring it up, so she had been spending a majority of her time with Harry, but Harry was busy with Dumbledore, so a lot of the times Hermione spent her time alone.

she didn't really have a problem with this. She liked being alone and she had manage to keep her panic attacks in order by just doing the breathing exercises Bill had taught her.

Hermione had also been venting a lot of her frustration on herself. As much as Hermione knew she shouldn't she had continued to cut. She managed to hide it by only doing it on her upper thighs and stomach. She could do some healing charms on them, but she still wasn't that good at it so they still weren't fully healed once she did them.

She couldn't help it. Whenever she felt helpless or just upset she felt the need to cut. It was like a release or a way to punish herself. Punish herself for being so stupid. Anyway, Hermione didn't really see much harm in doing it, she wasn't hurting anyone else, if anything she was helping all the people trying to help her because her cutting had kept her together for the past week.

She knew Ron would be upset if he knew, but Ron wasn't around. Ginny wasn't around and Bill wasn't around and Harry was too busy to notice, not that she wanted him to notice.

She felt so much hate for herself she couldn't even stand to look at her own reflection. She still wasn't eating properly. She had no appetite for anything. She only ate when she had to really because otherwise she just didn't feel hungry.

Hermione slowly got up from her bed and winced when she agitated the cuts on her stomach. She lifter her shirt to look at them and watched as one started to bleed again. The ones on her stomach were fresh from the night before. She looked as they went straight across her stomach under her belly button in perfect straight rows until it hit her underwear line.

She grabbed a tissue from her night stand and put pressure on the cuts on her stomach as she laid back down with her shirt pulled up.

Today was Saturday. Today was the game between Slytherine and Gryffindor.

The question was; was she to go to the game?

Hermione hadn't gone to any of the games because she couldn't face Ron. Also, it was far too hectic and caused her to have slight panic attacks.

She really wanted to go though because from what she heard she knew Ron was having a hard time dealing with the pressure, but she knew she couldn't go alone or more like she couldn't handle going alone.

Her only real option was to ask Neville if he would go. On her spare time she had been helping him study in the library as a way to kill time and now felt like the perfect opportunity to use the friendship they had built.

She lifted the tissue off her stomach that had a spatter of blood on it and saw that the cuts had stop bleeding. So, she got up gingerly and got ready to leave. Since she knew they would be outside she wore many layers of maroon and gold and headed down stairs.

As she walked into the common room she saw Harry and Ginny sitting and talking at one of the tables in the corner. She bit her lip trying to decide whether she should turn around or go on and approach them. Before she could really make up her mind though Harry had seen her and smiled and called out her name.

She walked over and stood there awkwardly. She knew Ginny was still upset with her so she tried avoiding looking at her. Before things got to awkward she thought to ask where Neville might be.

"Do you know where Neville is?" Hermione asked trying to sound normal. Harry looked at her funny questioning why she would be looking for Neville.

"I saw him leave this morning. He spending the day looking for some plant that only blooms on the day of the 50th moon cycle. Why are you looking for him?"

"Oh. Uh, I wanted to go to the game and I didn't want to go alone, but it's okay, I'll just go finish up some reading or something."

Harry looked at her sympathetically and then he looked at Ginny. While Hermione was about to walk off she heard Ginny sigh and say, "Hermione wait."

Hermione turned back around and looked and Ginny surprised.

Ginny took another deep breath and said, "Can I talk to you?"

"S-Sure." Hermione stuttered in response.

Ginny looked back at harry and then walked towards Hermione.

"Let's go up to your room, it's more private."

Hermione nodded her head and they headed up to Hermione's room.

Once in Ginny closed the door and turned around to look at Hermione.

They stood there in awkward silence for a few minutes until Ginny spoke up.

"Look, whatever it is that's bothering you, you don't have to tell me, but I think you should tell Ron. Hermione he cares about you so much and you are just pushing him away." Ginny said this in one big breathe hoping to just get it all out there. Ginny knew Hermione wouldn't agree, but she still felt the need to say something to her.

Hermione sighed. She wished she could be with him, she wished she could tell him everything, but she just couldn't.

"Ginny, I want too. I want to work everything out with him so bad, but I just can't. I can't be honest with him and that's not being fair to him no matter how much I want him around."

"Why can't you be honest with him? Why Hermione? He wouldn't tell people this big secret you're keeping to yourself. Hermione why can't you just do what you want and be with him?"

Hermione thought for a second. At that very moment she wished she could tell Ginny everything. She wished she could just suck it up and tell her the whole story. Somedays she wished she could tell Ginny more than Ron. Ginny was her only girlfriend. The only girl she told everything to…or used too.

"Some days Ginny I wish I could tell you everything. Sometimes more than I want to tell Ron, but I just can't."

Ginny was looking at Hermione with tears of frustration in her eyes and Hermione just stood there looking right back at her. It was quite as they stared each other down, until Hermione started to walk towards the door. As Hermione walked out the door she heard Ginny say, "What happened to you, Hermione?"

Hermione paused for a moment not sure of that answer herself. What had happened to her? As she stood there she heard Ginny close the door and knowing she didn't have time to think about little things like how she used to be, she did some breathing excercises to get herself together and walked out of her room.

She didn't know what to do now that she was out of her room though, She still had no one to go to the match with and she didn't really want to go to the library, she was even starting to think she spent too much time in there.

Hermione walked straight out of the common room and just started walking nowhere imparticular through the nearly empty corridors. Everyone else was down in the Great Hall getting ready for the big match, so Hermione thought maybe she could find someone to go with down there.

She took the stairs that led to the Front entrance and as she was walking by to get to the Great Hall she saw Luna. Her and Luna weren't really close, but they were friends, nonetheless.

"Luna!" Hermione called.

She watched as Luna turned around, her long white blonde hair flowing behind her. Luna caught sight of Hermione and came to a slow stop, smiling sweetly she waited for Hermione to catch up.

"Hi, Luna, are you going to the match?" Hermione said as she caught up Luna.

Looking at Hermione with her pale unfocused eyes she responded, "Oh yes, I was just getting ready to go now."

"Do you mind if I tag along?" Hermione said trying to be casual.

"Of course not." Luna responded airily.

After responding Luna just stared back at Hermione smiling. Hermione smiled back and said, "Well, should we go then?"

Luna's eyes focused and she said in a surprised a tone as Luna's voice could manage, "Oh, yes." And began walking towards the doors.

They walked in compatible silence for awhile and got some great seats near Gryffindor's side. Hermione secretly hoped Ron would see her knowing she came here to support him.

After getting settled, Luna pulled out a _Quibbler_ and Hermione got lost in her thoughts. She was thinking about how she hoped Ron wouldn't be too nervous about the game when Luna spoke up still looking at her magazine.

"Are you here for Ron, then?"

"Why would you say that?" Hermione asked.

"Well, it's obvious you care for him, isn't it?" Luna looked up from her _Quibbler_ with her wide eyes. Hermione felt almost nervous under her stare, almost as if she knew Luna could see through her better than a Prophet.

"Why is it obvious?" Hermione inquired.

"I can tell when you look at him, like you have nargles flying about your head." Luna said looking back down at her _Quibbler_.

Hermione knitted her eyebrows together in confusion and looked back towards the pitch. People were finally starting to pile in when right before the match started Luna said, "And why else would you risk a panic attack just to watch the match?"

Hermione's eyes widened and her head shot over to look at Luna, she still looked as if she was reading the paper in her hands.

"how do you know about that?" Hermione asked panic laced in her voice. No one knew about her attacks except for her close few friends, how would Luna know?

Luna looked up from her _Quibbler _serenely and calmly responded, "I'm pretty observant, you know." And smiled looking out towards the match, "Oh, look the match is about to start."

Hermione was still a bit panicked that Luna would know this about her, but tried to focus on the game. Ron actually wasn't doing too bad she noticed. He seemed to have more confidence, like he knew he was going to do good.

So far she noticed that Ron hadn't seen her, but she sat watching him hoping maybe he would look over at her.

Before the Snitch was caught though Ron made an incredible save making Dean, Seamus, and other Gryffindor's sitting above her start chanting the altered version of "Weasley is Our King".

Ron looked over and punched his fist in the air looking over at the boys when his eyes finally landed on Hermione.

He stopped dead in the air for a second in shock surprised to see Hermione sitting in the stands. As he looked down at her she jumped up and down waving for him to see her and clapped her hands. She had obviously seen his save and wanted him to know she saw it. She gave him thumbs up and Ron smiled feeling even better knowing Hermione was there.

The game ended with Gryffindor in the lead and Ron making a winning save. After the game all the Gryffindor's crowded into the common room to celebrate.

Hermione knew she shouldn't go talk to Ron because she was trying to avoid her feelings for him, but she so much wanted to go up to him and tell him he did great at the game.

Her and Luna parted ways and Hermione walked into the common room which was bustling with activity. People covered in maroon and gold were chatting and telling stories about the game, while others munched on food brought down from the kitchens. She could spy people sipping on cold glasses of Butterbeer and others sneeking in some Firewiskey.

Hermione would usually not condone such behavior but she really wanted to talk to Ron, but he was busy telling a retell of the game, so she spotted Harry and went to talk to him.

"Hi, Harry." Hermione said coming up next to him. Harry looked over at her and he smiled nodding his head in recognition.

"So, you went to the game did you?" Harry inquired.

Hermione smiled, "Yes, I did. I saw Luna and we went together.

Harry nodded his head and looked at Hermione meaningfully in the eyes and said quietly so only she could hear, "I'm proud of you Hermione."

She smiled happy to know that he knew how hard it was for her to go to the game without him or Ron there for her, but she knew he really shouldn't be proud of her. She was still suffering so much and they had no idea.

In mid thought Hermione and Harry looked over to see Ron jump off the table he was telling his story from and start moving his way through the crowd. He had a butterbeer in his hand and had been sneeking sips off Seamus's Firewiskey so he was feeling pretty happy about things. He thought he might even have a chance in talking to Hermione. She has smiled at him.

He missed her so much. It was driving him stalk raving mad not to have her around or take care of. Now, instead of worrying and taking care of her, he just worried. He was moving through the crowd when his eyes met Hermione's.

She beamed at him and he smiled back happy to see her face light up like that just for him. He started moving towards her when out of nowhere Lavender had attached herself to him. He was shocked at first when he felt her lips meet his and just stood there in shock until he finally pushed her off.

Hermione watched as Ron moved towards her through the crowd and was stopped by Lavender. As if a nightmare was going on right infront of her she saw her attach her lips to his and kiss him deeply. Hermione's smile had instantly vanished. What was he doing? How could he do this to her?

She waited for him to push her away or to stop the kiss, but he didn't. He just stood there. She felt like she was going to throw up. She couldn't watch this anymore.

She felt hot tears come to her eyes and before she could embarrass herself even more she ran out of the common room. She could faintly hear Ron calling her name, but it didn't matter. HE didn't care, he lied to her.

Ron was rushing towards the Portrait hole calling Hermione's name when someone violently grabbed his arm. Ron was pulled back and faced with an angry Harry.

"What the hell was that?" Harry asked pushing Ron back.

"I don't know. I need to go after Hermione." Ron pleaded. He was finally starting to feel more of the effects of the firwhiskey and he was beginning to realize he might have drunk too much.

"No, ron. Why would you do that? Kiss lavender. Ron, what the hell?" Harry repeated, seeming to be very perturbed.

"I didn't want to kiss her! Why do you think I pulled away!" Ron shouted as Lavender came up next to him.

"Ron where are you going?" she asked innocently.

"Lavender, piss off. You cause enough trouble tonight. Go attack someone else." Ron said coldly.

At first she looked to be very offended by what Ron said, but then she turned around with her head high looking like she was fuming.

Ron really didn't pay any mind as he continued his discussion with Harry.

"Harry, look, Lavender has been bothering me all week, but I never thought she would pull that. Believe me I do not want Lavender."

Harry seemed to be prizing Ron up when he finally said, "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking. You better hurry though, Hermione's probably in a right state."

Ron nodded his head and went out the portrait hole, hoping against all odds he would find Hermione and she would forgive him, but Ron definitely was not expecting what he was soon to find.


End file.
